Nice to meetcha. You can call me Crazy.

I almost slipped and outted myself as an Internet Stalker.

I went to sign up with a new gym today and when I walked in I saw a man sitting at the front desk typing on his laptop who looked familiar. He isn't unique looking, so I didn't think much of it. The other person behind the desk was Mr. SellerMan, and he had a great interest in selling the gym to me, so I tried to give him a good audience as we began our tour. When another client approached the desk, however, he called over to Mr. Familiar and said, "Oh-Kyle-can you help her check in, please?" Mr. Familiar's name was Kyle. Now, that was familiar, too. Throughout the tour, I kept thinking, 'Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Who is Kyle?' I was trying hard to take note of the things important to me: 'Not the right elipticals. Kyle... Ipod docks. Nice. Kyle... New dumbbells. Kyle... I can change the channels on the flat screens. Good. Kyle...' And then it hit me! 'Kyle!' 'Kyle, Kyle, Kyle!' I was so happy to place him. It had been driving me nuts.

Who is Kyle, you might ask. A friend? An old coworker? No. Kyle is a personal trainer at my new gym. Before today, though, I was unaware of Kyle's position. In many ways, you could say, I was unaware of Kyle. Now settle in for a little story in which I out myself as Crazy.

Once upon a time when I was browsing wedding photographers (for no reason), I came upon a photo I loved. It led to another photo that I loved of the same event and another 30 after that. I was so intrigued by this beautiful wedding that I wanted to know more about the subjects. And then I became obsessed. I found their wedding blog which let me more into their lives and then their photo account on flickr which let me more into their personal lives. Shortly thereafter, I even...-wait for it-...started getting my hair cut by the same person who did Kyle's wife's hair for their wedding. I don't mean to insult your intelligence by stating that this was not coincidental.

Suddenly, standing steps away from Kyle while signing my life away for gym membership that- let's be honest -will end up just making me feel badly about myself for not using, I was so excited, I almost told Kyle I know his wife. WHAT???? OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY???? Yes, I think I am. Because I DON'T know Kyle's wife. I know Kyle's wife as much as I know Kyle. Which is NOT AT ALL. I know her name. That is very different than knowing her. I know her hairdresser personally. That, again, is very different than knowing her. And yet--- While Mr. SellerMan was rambling about towels and lockers and security codes, I was actually thinking of a more "appropriate" way of letting Kyle know that I know about his life. AS THOUGH THAT EXISTED. Could I say, "I loved your wedding photos!!!"? No. How about, "Your wife and I share the same hairdresser!"? No. NO NO NO NO. And yet, I thought I could. I seriously did. Right up until the moment I forced myself to walk out of that gym and get into my car.

Let's just hope I have scolded myself enough or I'm going to have to drop that membership sooner than I thought.

The Library

I haven't taken pics of my classroom as I'd intended, but I did manage to take an image of the library on a whim and I thought I'd post it. I should try to post more pictures on this thing. Here's to a good intention.

Where everybody knows your name

Every once in a while I go through this "phase" of feeling like I want to live somewhere where I know everyone and everyone knows me. -Like my student body of 500 college was, as opposed to how a commune is. I don't have a family that I've ever lived near or known very well, so I can say that most of my life I've felt pretty alone. As a kid, I went to a magnet school, which was a public school but one to which I and the majority of the kids were bussed from all over the city, and later a private school that was a similar make up of individuals. So I didn't live near my school friends and I didn't see my neighborhood friends at school. Looking back, there was a lot about my life that led to me being very independent and at times even self-isolating.

Living in a city, filled with people, you are very much independent, alone, and isolated, unless you have the opportunity or desire to immerse yourself in a culture of sorts: a church community, a sports team, an elementary school PTA, a band, an office of like-minded individuals, etc. In a city, you rarely know your neighbors and you are surrounded by individuals all with their own agendas, involved in their own things. I go to work every day with a group of like-minded individuals, but I don't know these individuals outside of work. Being a teacher, working with kids all day, it's difficult to have time to interact personally or socially with your colleagues. The job is so consuming, you are too focused to sway from your responsibilities during the day and you want to get as far as you can from the stress outside of your job. At least, that's what I've found. Outside of work, I have friends I've met through various circumstances who all have their own interests and live in different parts of the city. Getting together with them can take a bit of effort and a lot of schedule coordination. I wish it was easier than that. I wish I had friends in my building or on my block who I could simply invite over to join me in watching a movie or to go next door for a drink.

And then I wonder if I really want to live in the city any longer. Something I've done for 14 years, both in NYC and here, may not be the right fit for me any longer. Do I desire small town living? On the other hand, could I bear the simplicity of small town living? Have I lived in a city for so long that I might find it too great of a challenge being part of a smaller community where everybody knows not only your name, but everything about you?

Thoughts to ponder on a rainy day.