Yup. Still busy.

I went to a 3 day workshop last weekend that was amazing and beautiful and really valuable. I got so many great ideas to expose my kids to in the outdoors.

My students and I made worm bins yesterday and a local boy scout troop built the raised beds that we'll be planting in next month.

I'm kind of getting dizzy with posting and cross posting to Teach Dirty and Facebook and my expedition blog.

Speaking of which, I leave for my expedition in less than 2 weeks. I am starting to get excited. I have to send out press releases as soon as possible. I've really been slacking in that department. Today, I spent $360 at REI on some new gear. I'm kind of regretting spending that amount, but I also feel it's stuff I need for the trip and not just frivolous things.

Oh, and, I'm moving. Without Josh. We were looking for places this month and one day he says, "I think we should live apart" completely out of nowhere. I was taken aback of course, and then he said, "I think it's the only way I'm going to get my shit together." Now, we do agree he needs to get that together, but I don't understand why that means we have to part ways. Until he says, "I don't want things to change between us, though." Um, what?? So, long story short because it's late and I'm tired, he's living on a sailboat for the next 5 months and I'm not sure where I'll land. I couldn't find a place in the limited time I had before I told the landlord I'd be out, so I'm staying with my friend for 10 days before I leave for my trip, then staying with him again upon my return while I scour for and locate a home. Josh and I are putting our things into storage. Me because I need a place for it all while I'm at my friend's and gone; him because there is no room for anything but him and clothes on the boat. And in terms of "us", we're not breaking up, but I have to be honest and say that I don't understand this. It's moving backwards in a relationship. I feel that I am ready for and deserving of all or nothing....not this in-between dating stuff. We just surpassed 3 years together. We are in our mid-30's. It may just be the beginning of the end and I have been crying a LOT over it. I keep telling myself it will all work out in the end and this will all be for the best, but man is it hard. Right now my schedule is so full and consuming and I feel unprepared to deal with this. Just packing right now is breaking my spirit and heart.

I will get through this though and I'll be okay. I just need to focus on the present and stop freaking out about the future or lamenting the past. I can do it. I can.