Grrrrump

I'm grumpy. I'm less grumpy after eating half a box of PB Panda Puffs cereal. Why does that make me less grumpy? I wish eating 50 carrots made me feel less grumpy, but it just doesn't.

My Principal was moved to another school for next year, the P.E. teacher became the 2nd grade teacher, our Literacy coach is leaving (unless they make her the new Principal) and they just hired a new P.E. teacher whom I really don't like, replacing the teacher my kids love and have grown accustomed to since the first one switched jobs. You know, I finally thought I had found stability. I thought I had found my home. Now I'm starting to blame myself for the apparent sudden "chaos" of our school. I think it just follows me. I'm cursed!!

I especially feel badly for my new friend Allison, the temporary P.E. teacher. She has such great classroom management skills and she's a great bright energy in our school. I really feel like her "denial" by the hiring committee is a slap in the face. She would have been perfect. She's so experienced too! I know all too well what it feels like to be good at teaching, to give endlessly, only to be unable to find a teaching job. My kids are going to miss her; I'm going to miss her.

Hrm. Peanut Butter Panda Puffs lost their charm.

Motorveighshun

I feel like I accomplished a lot today, though I never took off my PJ's. I...

...applied for a grant to teach in Morocco
...did 5 loads of laundry (and put them all away!!)
...cleaned up my sewing table
...tidied the kitchen
...cleaned my bedroom
...downloaded pictures off my phone and camera
...made a workout mix on my ipod
...ordered photos for my student's pen pal project
...ate WAY too many raisins

I guess I wasn't that productive, but I really felt as though I could have done less. :)

I have felt so fatigued as of late. Yesterday we drove to Anacortes for a day trip, and it was lovely, but I could barely keep my eyelids open in the car. When we arrived, I was overcome with how heavy my eyelids felt. I did alright, but I was kind of worried about myself. I kept it inside because I didn't want Josh to worry about me. Today, it took me a while to get energized, but I fared all right. I couldn't muster enough energy to leave the house, but I felt motivated to get some things done. Tomorrow, I'd like to go to the gym for the first time in months. Bad idea? We'll see. I hope I follow through. I need to get in shape in a big way. Wish me luck.

Feelgoods

Last night, I went to a party at a coworker's. It was nice because even though I see these people everyday, we never get to talk. Over wine. (my health month wine being Perrier with lemon, of course.) Anyway, two different teachers told me they want their kid in my class in the next year or 2. That's pretty damn special, I think. Considering I'm the newest K teacher and all. Anyhoot. Just wanted to say that.

Josh is making brunch and it smells AMAZING.

TEST

I am looking at my blog at work and the posts are not alligned with the top of my blog page. I have to scroll way down and look at the posts. Is this what you see as well? On my Mac at home, everything looks the way it's supposed to. Hmmmm....

Haiti Hatey

I am so saddened by the devastation caused in Haiti. We've started a fund in my classroom: Pennies for Haiti. My kids came up with it. Because they are awesome.

There has been a lot of talk on FB regarding Haiti. Josh posted something today in response to one of his "friends" in Indiana that made me excessively proud to be his girlfriend. The poster was bitching about Obama giving US Funds to Haiti for humanitarian aid. Josh said he was proud to be the citizen of a country that will come to the aid of those who suffer. Friends of this poster began posting that Josh was Anti-American and that he had drunk the "kool-aid" or "hater-aid". Besides having a knee-jerk reaction of wanting to curse at them, I'm so sad that people feel this way.

I have never been someone loyal only to my country, but rather loyal to humanity. Call me what you will, but I am devoted to making this world a better place by taking care of the individuals within it, no matter what race or creed or ethnicity. I am not religious and I'm irritated with religion for the fact that it influences people to judge others and discriminate. When someone says, "God wanted Haiti to suffer", I want to scream. How could anyone believe in a supreme being that punishes and kills? I just don't get it.

All of this is just a ramble of words that aren't well thought-out, but it's what comes from the core of my being in a jumble and it makes sense to me. I just needed to get it out.

No Ugly

GOOD NEWS: I have successfully completed nearly 8 full days without sugar, alcohol, white flour and white rice, and coffee. I think I don't even miss those things, but I am eating more I think to combat the cravings. That's not so swell. Maybe it will even out eventually. ?? I hope so. I can't fit into my pants.

BAD NEWS: My Principal has been moved to another school for next year. I am probably more devastated by this news than I should be, but I really think it's just the PTSD I have as a result of having HORRIBLE, HEINOUS individuals working as Principals in my previous schools. She announced it to us at 3:30 and I promptly began to cry crocodile tears as soon as I left the staff room. I am in panic mode about what will happen next year. Will I get another nightmare of a Principal? I am so afraid. I can't survive another year of that.

Sweet sauce

Well, kids, I've made it through three (that's 3) days of no sugar! I am beginning to realize it isn't the sugar as much as it's the baked goods I'm addicted to. I can barely go into the staff room without running right out again. Even though the holidays have ended, people are still bringing in cookies and chocolate and other dietkillers. I really like cookies and chocolate, by the way. But you know how many I've had? None. Zero! Nada. Yay for me. Let's keep it up. Jennifer, our school counselor, told me today when I was boasting about my 3 day success, that she has been sugar free for over 20 years. I just stared at her. A long time. That's craziness, I tell you. She said I'll be home free after 2 weeks. That's good to hear for the following 2 weeks and change, but I don't plan to lock sugar out of my life for good! Baked things are just too amazing. AMAZING. In fact, I never realized how amazing until now. Man, it's hard to kick the monkey off your back.

Tomorrow, my sewing machine is supposed to arrive. I can hardly stand the thought of having to go into work on Friday! I guess we know how I'll be spending my Saturday!

Resolution Reality, Part 1

I am beginning to feel the pressures of my New Year's Resolutions. Follow through is something that affects so many aspects of my life. For example, today is my first laundry day in the New Year. I wait until Sunday to do laundry for two reasons: I can, and it's cheaper. I can because I don't have kids that require boat loads of laundry to be done on a weekly basis and it's cheaper because Sundays and evenings are the times when the rates are less for power use. Did you know this? Years ago, I was reading the papers that come with our utility bills -the papers that you automatically recycle because you don't care about anything in the envelope except how much you owe. For some reason I actually read these papers on one particular day and in there they sent a bar graph representing the cost per kw (or something like that) of use. Sundays and evenings were the cheapest because businesses are not typically using power at that time. They recommended higher power sucker machines like dishwasher and laundry machines be used Sundays and evenings in order to have lower electricity bills. I latched on to that information and ever since, I've only used the dishwasher and laundry machines during those "low cost" times. Someone could prove me wrong today and I'm in such the habit of doing this I probably wouldn't change. So back to my point. What was my point? Oh yeah, laundry day is hard. So here I am dutifully doing laundry. The problem with doing all my laundry on one day is that it literally takes up the entire day. I do at minimum 4 loads (darks, lights, hots: towels and undies, and whites). That means I have to fold and hang and put away at minimum four loads. Man, that takes a lot of work. Now I know this won't be anything compared to if I do actually have kids. But right now it feels like a ton of work. In the past, we've ended up with loads of clean laundry just sitting in the hampers never getting put away for days. I can't do that any more if I'm going to focus on following through on things, you know? Hence this feeling of dread. Dishes, same thing. Josh ran the dishwasher last night, so of course now I need to follow through and put those clean dishes away rather than letting them sit in the washer while dirty dishes pile up in the sink. Ugh. The Christmas tree ornaments. We took down the Christmas tree yesterday and I put all of the ornaments into a bag for quick removal. Of course, now I need to follow through and put all the ornaments, stockings, decor, etc. into their rightful places in storage. I tell you, this follow through business is going to take a lot of getting used to (and a lot of complaining and whining of course).

My latest conundrum is that all of this sourness with follow through is making me hesitant to join "Health Month". Health month occurs every January. It requires eliminating everything "bad" for you in your diet like sugar, caffeine, dairy, white flour and rice, alcohol and nicotine, fried foods and fatty meats, and including exercise 3x per week. It starts tonight at midnight and ends 2/1 at midnight. I've always meant to do it. I mean, it's good for you! And truthfully, I already try hard to eliminate the white flour and white rice. (Save sushi. Man, I do love sushi.) The sugar would be the hardest thing. And the no red wine part. Red wine is my crutch. My job only feels possible with red wine. (Wait, did I say that? Maybe that means I have a problem. Oops.) And goat/sheep cheese is so GOOD. Tea with caffeine is actually allowed, which makes that part 100% manageable for me. I know Josh won't participate and that will naturally make it more difficult for me. Oh what to do. I know it's just one month. Anything is possible for one month, right? But will I get mean without sugar? Will I get grumpy or tired? Is that fair to my students? It sounds so LAME to say I can't do health month because of my job, but, honestly, I have a job where a positive emotional state is key to my ability to function. I can't shut my office door when I'm in a bad mood. I can't call in sick if I have a migraine. I can't hide behind my computer or reduce the amount of conversations I have with people or do less work on any given day. I know I'm not alone. I don't mean to say that being a teacher is the hardest job on the planet or the highest calling or anything of the sort. I only know what is required of me to do my job and what I can and can't modify based on my emotional state in order to perform it. I don't want to sound like a drama queen, but can I honestly partake in health month without sacrificing my students? Okay, I do sound like a drama queen. I guess settles it. Just to prove my whiny self wrong, I'm partaking in health month even if it kills me. If I don't follow through with health month, I won't hate myself or think I've failed...I'll simply do my best and I will only quit if it's for a damn good reason. Like, I go blind with headaches. Or I get really close to throttling a kid or telling off my school secretary (the latter of which takes incredible restraint as it is). Okay.

Wish me luck! Believe me, I'll keep you posted.

Oh Ten

It is officially day one of "Oh-10", as Josh's family friend Tom lovingly refers to it. We met some friends last night at a nearby place called "Luau", where they were rocking some 90's beats that were a total blast from the past: "Biggie Biggie Biggie, Can't you see....." is still running through my brain. It was a peer-filled crowd, which was nice. Since I'm almost middle-aged, I really couldn't have handled the wasted 21 year olds. I'm just not part of that mindset anymore. A few people were dancing on the bar and some of the girls on the dance floor were a little "friendly" with their dancing, but no one looked to be on the verge of puking. Josh and I drank so little, we felt absolutely no effects this morning. I love waking up and feeling fresh!

Some things I'm super excited about this year are my job, the fact that I just won a fellowship to study mammals in Nova Scotia in April, and the fact that I'll be going to NYC in the summer for a Writing Conference. Josh and I talked about making our Hawaii trip last summer an "annual trip", although the location can certainly change. I also just ordered a new sewing machine. I've never sewed with a machine before, but I've always wanted to. I just see so many great ideas out there and I am really anxious to try them out. Also, I have handsewn a good deal of things that could have taken a tenth of the time (at least!) if I had had a sewing machine. It will be nice to feel some more instant gratification!

As promised, I'm posting my resolutions for this year. I came across this blog post on Blue Cricket Design, where Shannon sometimes posts her craft ideas. Basically, Becca had received an email from one of her readers who had simply chosen a word to focus on for the year, rather than a list of unrememberable resolutions that are so difficult to keep in mind. The reader had chosen "Simplify", which I would imagine might apply to a multitude of aspects in her life: her schedule, the things in her home, the amount of pressure she puts on herself each day... I really liked this idea, so I chose to follow suit with my own words on which to focus. I decided upon "Follow Through" and "Consistency". I often start projects I don't finish. I get super excited about something and focus all of my energy on it, and then realize I am neglecting other things, so I don't finish it. I need to follow through on what I begin by also being consistent with the other things I'm doing. I need to consistently devote time just for me once a week (at least), as well as consistently devote time just for my family. I need to follow through with new efforts to better my life: organization, exercise, etc. I need to be consistent in doing these things in order to follow through. I think these two words will affect a great deal of things in my life, but remembering them will be easier than a list of specific resolutions. We'll see how things go!