Sunday, November 21, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Crockpot tomato veggie soup
I made this soup today in the crockpot while at work:
It turned out to be pretty good. I decided I don't really like the smell of cooked cabbage, but it tasted good. The can of tomatoes were whole which worked out well because Josh hates tomatoes and this way he could easily avoid them when ladling his soup.
I didn't take any pics of my food today. I can't believe I could only do that project for one day. I just feel so BUSY all the time. Taking a picture of my food was an added component I just couldn't fit into my day. Oh well.
In addition to a bowl of that soup today, I ate a toaster waffle with almond butter, coffee, grapes, rice noodle soup, fruit snacks, an apple, a strawberry banana smoothie, some trail mix and some tootsie rolls.
I was so hungry at the gym tonight. I got the smoothie on the way out. Splurge!
- 1 quart (32 ounces) vegetable broth
- 1 can (14.5 ounces) organic tomatoes
- 1 can (14.5 ounces) stewed organic tomatoes
- 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
- 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
- 1/2 head cabbage, chopped
- 1 medium onion, chopped
- 2 carrots, chopped
- 7 mushrooms, sliced
- 1 can (16 ounces) black beans, undrained
It turned out to be pretty good. I decided I don't really like the smell of cooked cabbage, but it tasted good. The can of tomatoes were whole which worked out well because Josh hates tomatoes and this way he could easily avoid them when ladling his soup.
I didn't take any pics of my food today. I can't believe I could only do that project for one day. I just feel so BUSY all the time. Taking a picture of my food was an added component I just couldn't fit into my day. Oh well.
In addition to a bowl of that soup today, I ate a toaster waffle with almond butter, coffee, grapes, rice noodle soup, fruit snacks, an apple, a strawberry banana smoothie, some trail mix and some tootsie rolls.
I was so hungry at the gym tonight. I got the smoothie on the way out. Splurge!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Food
Oops! I forgot to take pics today.
Rundown:
Breakfast: toaster waffle with almond butter
Lunch: leftover spaghetti squash
trail mix
apple
lox
Snacks: (TOO MANY)
goldfish
tootsie rolls
trail mix
peanut m&m's
Dinner: pear cider
fish tacos with guacamole, cabbage, grape tomatoes and corn tortillas. Yum! Recipe here and crappy pic here:
Rundown:
Breakfast: toaster waffle with almond butter
Lunch: leftover spaghetti squash
trail mix
apple
lox
Snacks: (TOO MANY)
goldfish
tootsie rolls
trail mix
peanut m&m's
Dinner: pear cider
fish tacos with guacamole, cabbage, grape tomatoes and corn tortillas. Yum! Recipe here and crappy pic here:
Monday, November 1, 2010
Snack
I have a goal to stop nibbling on these addictive crack-fish. Parents bring these in warehouse quantity for snack. They taunt me from the cupboards with their cheesy crunchy goodness and I find them difficult to resist.
Lunch
Rice noodle soup bowl, cranberry cashew almond trail mix, baby carrots, an apple, and water. Only ate the soup and half the trail mix and carrots for lunch. The rest for snack...
Breakfast
I forgot my freezer waffle with almond butter on the counter at home, so coffee was my breakfast.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Nice to meetcha. You can call me Crazy.
I almost slipped and outted myself as an Internet Stalker.
I went to sign up with a new gym today and when I walked in I saw a man sitting at the front desk typing on his laptop who looked familiar. He isn't unique looking, so I didn't think much of it. The other person behind the desk was Mr. SellerMan, and he had a great interest in selling the gym to me, so I tried to give him a good audience as we began our tour. When another client approached the desk, however, he called over to Mr. Familiar and said, "Oh-Kyle-can you help her check in, please?" Mr. Familiar's name was Kyle. Now, that was familiar, too. Throughout the tour, I kept thinking, 'Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Who is Kyle?' I was trying hard to take note of the things important to me: 'Not the right elipticals. Kyle... Ipod docks. Nice. Kyle... New dumbbells. Kyle... I can change the channels on the flat screens. Good. Kyle...' And then it hit me! 'Kyle!' 'Kyle, Kyle, Kyle!' I was so happy to place him. It had been driving me nuts.
Who is Kyle, you might ask. A friend? An old coworker? No. Kyle is a personal trainer at my new gym. Before today, though, I was unaware of Kyle's position. In many ways, you could say, I was unaware of Kyle. Now settle in for a little story in which I out myself as Crazy.
Once upon a time when I was browsing wedding photographers (for no reason), I came upon a photo I loved. It led to another photo that I loved of the same event and another 30 after that. I was so intrigued by this beautiful wedding that I wanted to know more about the subjects. And then I became obsessed. I found their wedding blog which let me more into their lives and then their photo account on flickr which let me more into their personal lives. Shortly thereafter, I even...-wait for it-...started getting my hair cut by the same person who did Kyle's wife's hair for their wedding. I don't mean to insult your intelligence by stating that this was not coincidental.
Suddenly, standing steps away from Kyle while signing my life away for gym membership that- let's be honest -will end up just making me feel badly about myself for not using, I was so excited, I almost told Kyle I know his wife. WHAT???? OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY???? Yes, I think I am. Because I DON'T know Kyle's wife. I know Kyle's wife as much as I know Kyle. Which is NOT AT ALL. I know her name. That is very different than knowing her. I know her hairdresser personally. That, again, is very different than knowing her. And yet--- While Mr. SellerMan was rambling about towels and lockers and security codes, I was actually thinking of a more "appropriate" way of letting Kyle know that I know about his life. AS THOUGH THAT EXISTED. Could I say, "I loved your wedding photos!!!"? No. How about, "Your wife and I share the same hairdresser!"? No. NO NO NO NO. And yet, I thought I could. I seriously did. Right up until the moment I forced myself to walk out of that gym and get into my car.
Let's just hope I have scolded myself enough or I'm going to have to drop that membership sooner than I thought.
I went to sign up with a new gym today and when I walked in I saw a man sitting at the front desk typing on his laptop who looked familiar. He isn't unique looking, so I didn't think much of it. The other person behind the desk was Mr. SellerMan, and he had a great interest in selling the gym to me, so I tried to give him a good audience as we began our tour. When another client approached the desk, however, he called over to Mr. Familiar and said, "Oh-Kyle-can you help her check in, please?" Mr. Familiar's name was Kyle. Now, that was familiar, too. Throughout the tour, I kept thinking, 'Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Who is Kyle?' I was trying hard to take note of the things important to me: 'Not the right elipticals. Kyle... Ipod docks. Nice. Kyle... New dumbbells. Kyle... I can change the channels on the flat screens. Good. Kyle...' And then it hit me! 'Kyle!' 'Kyle, Kyle, Kyle!' I was so happy to place him. It had been driving me nuts.
Who is Kyle, you might ask. A friend? An old coworker? No. Kyle is a personal trainer at my new gym. Before today, though, I was unaware of Kyle's position. In many ways, you could say, I was unaware of Kyle. Now settle in for a little story in which I out myself as Crazy.
Once upon a time when I was browsing wedding photographers (for no reason), I came upon a photo I loved. It led to another photo that I loved of the same event and another 30 after that. I was so intrigued by this beautiful wedding that I wanted to know more about the subjects. And then I became obsessed. I found their wedding blog which let me more into their lives and then their photo account on flickr which let me more into their personal lives. Shortly thereafter, I even...-wait for it-...started getting my hair cut by the same person who did Kyle's wife's hair for their wedding. I don't mean to insult your intelligence by stating that this was not coincidental.
Suddenly, standing steps away from Kyle while signing my life away for gym membership that- let's be honest -will end up just making me feel badly about myself for not using, I was so excited, I almost told Kyle I know his wife. WHAT???? OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY???? Yes, I think I am. Because I DON'T know Kyle's wife. I know Kyle's wife as much as I know Kyle. Which is NOT AT ALL. I know her name. That is very different than knowing her. I know her hairdresser personally. That, again, is very different than knowing her. And yet--- While Mr. SellerMan was rambling about towels and lockers and security codes, I was actually thinking of a more "appropriate" way of letting Kyle know that I know about his life. AS THOUGH THAT EXISTED. Could I say, "I loved your wedding photos!!!"? No. How about, "Your wife and I share the same hairdresser!"? No. NO NO NO NO. And yet, I thought I could. I seriously did. Right up until the moment I forced myself to walk out of that gym and get into my car.
Let's just hope I have scolded myself enough or I'm going to have to drop that membership sooner than I thought.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Library
I haven't taken pics of my classroom as I'd intended, but I did manage to take an image of the library on a whim and I thought I'd post it. I should try to post more pictures on this thing. Here's to a good intention.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Where everybody knows your name
Every once in a while I go through this "phase" of feeling like I want to live somewhere where I know everyone and everyone knows me. -Like my student body of 500 college was, as opposed to how a commune is. I don't have a family that I've ever lived near or known very well, so I can say that most of my life I've felt pretty alone. As a kid, I went to a magnet school, which was a public school but one to which I and the majority of the kids were bussed from all over the city, and later a private school that was a similar make up of individuals. So I didn't live near my school friends and I didn't see my neighborhood friends at school. Looking back, there was a lot about my life that led to me being very independent and at times even self-isolating.
Living in a city, filled with people, you are very much independent, alone, and isolated, unless you have the opportunity or desire to immerse yourself in a culture of sorts: a church community, a sports team, an elementary school PTA, a band, an office of like-minded individuals, etc. In a city, you rarely know your neighbors and you are surrounded by individuals all with their own agendas, involved in their own things. I go to work every day with a group of like-minded individuals, but I don't know these individuals outside of work. Being a teacher, working with kids all day, it's difficult to have time to interact personally or socially with your colleagues. The job is so consuming, you are too focused to sway from your responsibilities during the day and you want to get as far as you can from the stress outside of your job. At least, that's what I've found. Outside of work, I have friends I've met through various circumstances who all have their own interests and live in different parts of the city. Getting together with them can take a bit of effort and a lot of schedule coordination. I wish it was easier than that. I wish I had friends in my building or on my block who I could simply invite over to join me in watching a movie or to go next door for a drink.
And then I wonder if I really want to live in the city any longer. Something I've done for 14 years, both in NYC and here, may not be the right fit for me any longer. Do I desire small town living? On the other hand, could I bear the simplicity of small town living? Have I lived in a city for so long that I might find it too great of a challenge being part of a smaller community where everybody knows not only your name, but everything about you?
Thoughts to ponder on a rainy day.
Living in a city, filled with people, you are very much independent, alone, and isolated, unless you have the opportunity or desire to immerse yourself in a culture of sorts: a church community, a sports team, an elementary school PTA, a band, an office of like-minded individuals, etc. In a city, you rarely know your neighbors and you are surrounded by individuals all with their own agendas, involved in their own things. I go to work every day with a group of like-minded individuals, but I don't know these individuals outside of work. Being a teacher, working with kids all day, it's difficult to have time to interact personally or socially with your colleagues. The job is so consuming, you are too focused to sway from your responsibilities during the day and you want to get as far as you can from the stress outside of your job. At least, that's what I've found. Outside of work, I have friends I've met through various circumstances who all have their own interests and live in different parts of the city. Getting together with them can take a bit of effort and a lot of schedule coordination. I wish it was easier than that. I wish I had friends in my building or on my block who I could simply invite over to join me in watching a movie or to go next door for a drink.
And then I wonder if I really want to live in the city any longer. Something I've done for 14 years, both in NYC and here, may not be the right fit for me any longer. Do I desire small town living? On the other hand, could I bear the simplicity of small town living? Have I lived in a city for so long that I might find it too great of a challenge being part of a smaller community where everybody knows not only your name, but everything about you?
Thoughts to ponder on a rainy day.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
You're only a day away
Oof. Another 10 hour day. -which is better than 13, but still beyond the ideal. I'm so tired. I think I'm going to have to see a chiropractor. My lower back hurts so much sometimes, sharp shooting pains seriously debilitate my ability to move. No bueno.
First day of school tomorrow! I have done everything-EVERYTHING-I could possibly do to be ready. My classroom looks bananas. Ba-na-nas. If you had a kindergartner, you'd be INSANE not to want your child to be in my room. For reals.
...
Okay. I lied. I need to do one more thing. (But what I said about my classroom? The truth. Beyond the truth.)
I need to pack a lunch for tomorrow! I hoped Josh would do it, but that boy is going back to school for EMT certification. (With every new season comes a new grand plan!) CPR class tonight won't be finished til 9:30. Boo. I had to eat ice cream for dessert. HAD to. And now I'm drinking wine.
Last. Moments. of Freedom.
First day of school tomorrow! I have done everything-EVERYTHING-I could possibly do to be ready. My classroom looks bananas. Ba-na-nas. If you had a kindergartner, you'd be INSANE not to want your child to be in my room. For reals.
...
Okay. I lied. I need to do one more thing. (But what I said about my classroom? The truth. Beyond the truth.)
I need to pack a lunch for tomorrow! I hoped Josh would do it, but that boy is going back to school for EMT certification. (With every new season comes a new grand plan!) CPR class tonight won't be finished til 9:30. Boo. I had to eat ice cream for dessert. HAD to. And now I'm drinking wine.
Last. Moments. of Freedom.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Back to school
I got back from NYC on Tuesday, bringing travel month to a close. The following day, I procrastinated as long as possible and then dragged myself in to work. The room is in such disarray since I essentially had to move all my stuff in the week after school ended and haven't been back since. It looked like a glorified storage unit, essentially. On top of my own crap to sift through, there is a bunch of trademarked crap I need to find a place for (or pitch) left behind by ancient teacher-now retired-former room owner of 25 years whose room I inherited. Gotta love that. :/
Josh came and "helped" yesterday by power washing my rugs and then sitting on his butt working/playing on his iPhone for 2 hours while I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. Tomorrow is the big day. Kindergarten assessments begin and I meet my first munchkin at 8 am. My room doesn't need to be finished, but it does need to have some semblance of order/cheer/welcoming nature. Good luck to me.
Josh came and "helped" yesterday by power washing my rugs and then sitting on his butt working/playing on his iPhone for 2 hours while I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. Tomorrow is the big day. Kindergarten assessments begin and I meet my first munchkin at 8 am. My room doesn't need to be finished, but it does need to have some semblance of order/cheer/welcoming nature. Good luck to me.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
New friend
I made a new friend yesterday. Aren't you excited?
I met Melissa (not my new friend. confusing, I know. just stay tuned.) when I was on my expedition in Nova Scotia. She was my roommate and altogether my bestie on the trip. She lives in San Francisco and has a really hot Argentinian husband named Martin (pronounced Mar-TEEN). He is funny and Skyped with her (and inadvertently me) pretty often while we were gone. Anyway, digress digress, Melissa told me one night during our late night slumber party I-can't-fall-asleep-yet-Can-you? chats that her friend Rebecca (yes! my new friend!) had recently moved to a Seattle suburb (Redmond, land of Microsoft) in the fall of last year with her husband and was hating it. This was no surprise to me because I would hate moving from Seattle to a suburb of San Francisco just the same. I would also hate moving from Seattle to Redmond. It's just not a lateral move. Well, she also had a baby and decided to be a stay at home mom at the same time as they moved so now she's in all kinds of newness that one needs to adjust to and can't adjust to with ease without any friends nearby. So, long story short (I know, too late), we agreed I should connect with Rebecca when I got back home.
Fast forward to yesterday. We had our first date. We agreed to meet in Redmond because she doesn't know how to get anywhere (which could be considered strange since she's been here almost a year, but is not really the point here). I got to Starbucks to meet her and I realized I didn't know what she looked like. Oops. We never even told one another what to look for. I was nervous. Then I saw her. She looked really scared and she had a stroller in hand. Bingo! We hugged, started talking non-stop, laughed about her crazy neighbor (seriously more crazy than my crazy ex-landlord.) ate Thai food, walked so baby Lila could fall asleep, and went to World Market to touch everything. We then went into TOP Foods so Rebecca could get some blueberries and lemons only to discover that particular location was going out of business. Everything was 25% off. If you bought 4 bottles of wine, it was 35% off. And that pressed the crazy button in our minds and we began to shop for wine like we were never going to see it again after this moment. We each bought 4 bottles. Then she realized it would be cheaper to get diapers on sale there too. And formula. And soap. And chipotle peppers. And we made it through the register and realized we were parked nowhere near the store because we had walked so far to encourage Lila to fall asleep. CRAP! So we loaded up the stroller with wine bottles (trashy!) and balanced the diaper packages on the top (trashy!) and found other nooks and crannies for the peppers and formula. And we walked....and walked....and walked. We had been so lost in conversation, we never even noticed how far we'd initally walked. I also hadn't noticed how late it had gotten and essentially tried to make it back to the city during rush hour so what took me 20 minutes to drive in order to get there took me AN HOUR to drive home. But it was worth it.
I don't know if it's just her desperation to have friends or if we really had a magical insta-matic connection, but we've already planned date 2 for Sunday evening at her place. That will make 6 friend dates this week! I don't know if my social calendar has been this full since 2005 when I was in the heyday of my partygirl ways. At least I'll remember these evenings, which is more than I can say for the ones I had back then. But that would be a post for another day.
I met Melissa (not my new friend. confusing, I know. just stay tuned.) when I was on my expedition in Nova Scotia. She was my roommate and altogether my bestie on the trip. She lives in San Francisco and has a really hot Argentinian husband named Martin (pronounced Mar-TEEN). He is funny and Skyped with her (and inadvertently me) pretty often while we were gone. Anyway, digress digress, Melissa told me one night during our late night slumber party I-can't-fall-asleep-yet-Can-you? chats that her friend Rebecca (yes! my new friend!) had recently moved to a Seattle suburb (Redmond, land of Microsoft) in the fall of last year with her husband and was hating it. This was no surprise to me because I would hate moving from Seattle to a suburb of San Francisco just the same. I would also hate moving from Seattle to Redmond. It's just not a lateral move. Well, she also had a baby and decided to be a stay at home mom at the same time as they moved so now she's in all kinds of newness that one needs to adjust to and can't adjust to with ease without any friends nearby. So, long story short (I know, too late), we agreed I should connect with Rebecca when I got back home.
Fast forward to yesterday. We had our first date. We agreed to meet in Redmond because she doesn't know how to get anywhere (which could be considered strange since she's been here almost a year, but is not really the point here). I got to Starbucks to meet her and I realized I didn't know what she looked like. Oops. We never even told one another what to look for. I was nervous. Then I saw her. She looked really scared and she had a stroller in hand. Bingo! We hugged, started talking non-stop, laughed about her crazy neighbor (seriously more crazy than my crazy ex-landlord.) ate Thai food, walked so baby Lila could fall asleep, and went to World Market to touch everything. We then went into TOP Foods so Rebecca could get some blueberries and lemons only to discover that particular location was going out of business. Everything was 25% off. If you bought 4 bottles of wine, it was 35% off. And that pressed the crazy button in our minds and we began to shop for wine like we were never going to see it again after this moment. We each bought 4 bottles. Then she realized it would be cheaper to get diapers on sale there too. And formula. And soap. And chipotle peppers. And we made it through the register and realized we were parked nowhere near the store because we had walked so far to encourage Lila to fall asleep. CRAP! So we loaded up the stroller with wine bottles (trashy!) and balanced the diaper packages on the top (trashy!) and found other nooks and crannies for the peppers and formula. And we walked....and walked....and walked. We had been so lost in conversation, we never even noticed how far we'd initally walked. I also hadn't noticed how late it had gotten and essentially tried to make it back to the city during rush hour so what took me 20 minutes to drive in order to get there took me AN HOUR to drive home. But it was worth it.
I don't know if it's just her desperation to have friends or if we really had a magical insta-matic connection, but we've already planned date 2 for Sunday evening at her place. That will make 6 friend dates this week! I don't know if my social calendar has been this full since 2005 when I was in the heyday of my partygirl ways. At least I'll remember these evenings, which is more than I can say for the ones I had back then. But that would be a post for another day.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Sour Recipe
Concentrating too much today on things I want and don't have and are not realistic to strive for.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Bi-Polar is a state of mind
I keep arriving late to work and they keep NOT firing me. Hrm.
I can hardly wait for this job to be OVER.
Know what else I can hardly wait for? Hawaii! New York! My pedi in preparation! (No, seriously, it's my orientation ritual.) Josh and I planned out all the things we want to do when we're in Maui. Not a schedule, per se, but a list of things we can do if lying on the beach and snorkeling and boogie boarding are not enough to fulfill 6 days. This includes four wheeling in a jeep on the island of Lanai and swimming in natural pools at the base of waterfalls. *love*
I just got my orientation emails for the workshop I'll be attending in NYC. It makes it more REAL that I'm leaving soon. I can't wait to see my Patrick, too. He's my number one gay husband and we are in L-U-V. I can't believe I haven't been back to the city since 2004. It used to be my home and sometimes I miss it so much, I would even tolerate the sticky dirty heat and the suffocating smell of the subway in the dead of summer. Oh, wait, that's what I'll be doing in 3 weeks. EW. But YAY. But EW.
Playdate with Carolyn after school today!!!!! Wheeeeee!
I can hardly wait for this job to be OVER.
Know what else I can hardly wait for? Hawaii! New York! My pedi in preparation! (No, seriously, it's my orientation ritual.) Josh and I planned out all the things we want to do when we're in Maui. Not a schedule, per se, but a list of things we can do if lying on the beach and snorkeling and boogie boarding are not enough to fulfill 6 days. This includes four wheeling in a jeep on the island of Lanai and swimming in natural pools at the base of waterfalls. *love*
I just got my orientation emails for the workshop I'll be attending in NYC. It makes it more REAL that I'm leaving soon. I can't wait to see my Patrick, too. He's my number one gay husband and we are in L-U-V. I can't believe I haven't been back to the city since 2004. It used to be my home and sometimes I miss it so much, I would even tolerate the sticky dirty heat and the suffocating smell of the subway in the dead of summer. Oh, wait, that's what I'll be doing in 3 weeks. EW. But YAY. But EW.
Playdate with Carolyn after school today!!!!! Wheeeeee!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Bad Momma
I gave Lulu a black eye! I feel so horrible about it. We had a wonderful time swimming together at the park and then as we were walking back on the trail, I was holding my stainless steel water bottle by the loop in the cap down at my side. The bottle was swinging
a bit with each step and she trotted around the back of me just as the bottle swung back. I heard it hit so loudly, I thought I'd hit a metal pole. When I realized it was her skull, I quickly got down on my knees and tried to soothe her, though she wasn't yelping or making any noise to indicate she was hurt. We moved on then and I forgot about it. A few hours later, when we came home, she was rubbing her face with her paw and barely opening her left eye. I checked the eyeball and there doesn't seem to be any damage to it. There is no blood around her eye, but she is barely opening it. I am going to take her to the vet in the morning, just in case, but I'm super sad that I've caused her pain. My poor baby girl.
a bit with each step and she trotted around the back of me just as the bottle swung back. I heard it hit so loudly, I thought I'd hit a metal pole. When I realized it was her skull, I quickly got down on my knees and tried to soothe her, though she wasn't yelping or making any noise to indicate she was hurt. We moved on then and I forgot about it. A few hours later, when we came home, she was rubbing her face with her paw and barely opening her left eye. I checked the eyeball and there doesn't seem to be any damage to it. There is no blood around her eye, but she is barely opening it. I am going to take her to the vet in the morning, just in case, but I'm super sad that I've caused her pain. My poor baby girl.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
OMG, Like
Why does it irk me so much when people talk "Valley Girl"? Uch. It's so annoying. Two people I work with canNOT speak normally. And they are teachers. Lovely. It makes me want to speak overly proper just to counterbalance the ridiculousness of their vocal output.
Also, to share more details about Josh and ProjectBaby2010: He is totally game to give me a baby. He's apathetic--not opposed. He could care less one way or the other. I just don't know if I want a baby with someone who is so apathetic about it. I mean, I always pictured a baby with someone would come out of my desire to have a family with that person. If Josh doesn't want to get married, I don't know that I fully trust that family makeup. I have a lot to figure out....
Thanks for the emails, friends. You can leave me comments on my blog, though, you know. Ya lurkers. ;)
Also, to share more details about Josh and ProjectBaby2010: He is totally game to give me a baby. He's apathetic--not opposed. He could care less one way or the other. I just don't know if I want a baby with someone who is so apathetic about it. I mean, I always pictured a baby with someone would come out of my desire to have a family with that person. If Josh doesn't want to get married, I don't know that I fully trust that family makeup. I have a lot to figure out....
Thanks for the emails, friends. You can leave me comments on my blog, though, you know. Ya lurkers. ;)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Lazy
Lazy is the only real excuse I have for why I've been absent from the Internet. I have good intentions. I should be able to keep up since I'm on "vacation" from work. Oh, right, except I'm not. Remind me again why I'm teaching summer school??? Oh yeah. September paycheck will be FAT. *sigh* That is SO far off, I just don't feel motivated by that.
In other news, July totally became my workout month. I have been doing Pilates 2-3x a week and going to boot camp 2x a week. It's been really good for me, though I have to admit it's been hard not to get discouraged. I haven't seen any change in my appearance. I know it's only been 3 weeks, but that feels like an eternity when you are sacrificing your free time up to 5x a week to sweat and groan and when you ache so bad the next day you can barely walk up and down the stairs.
On Monday, I had a doctor's appointment with the same doctor that told me I was pregnant a year ago, then told me I would have to get chemo to abort it because the fetus was outside my uterus. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with her last November, but the trauma of ER visits, sonograms that showed NOTHING, bleeding for 6 weeks, the pain.....let's just say I was not interested in being reminded so soon after the experience. Well, I'd love to say "What a difference a year makes", but I can't. This time, she told me I need to decide NOW if I am ever going to have a baby. The reason being, I am on the road to edometrial cancer due to my PCOS. She said, if I want to have a baby, I have to do it now so she can force ovulation and then start the process of cancer prevention (which would also prevent me from getting pregnant). If I don't want a baby, she will start the cancer prevention now.
Now this would all be cut and dry except that I am with someone who doesn't want to get married, is apathetic about having babies and who frustrates me from a financial "get your life together" perspective. I love him. I know this with all my heart. He loves me. I know this with all my heart. It doesn't feel like enough right now for me to say, "Let's get pregnant!". And yet, it might be my only opportunity. Do I risk having a baby with someone I don't know about the long term with, just so I can have a baby? Or do I say, "Well, I wasn't in a place to have a baby when I needed to decide, so I just never had a baby." Therapy on Thursday will help me decide, I guess.
On the bright side, Josh and I head to Maui for 5 days on the 6th of August and then I leave for NYC 2 days later for 10 days. If July was workout month, August is travel month. I'm anxious to move on to the next thing.
In other news, July totally became my workout month. I have been doing Pilates 2-3x a week and going to boot camp 2x a week. It's been really good for me, though I have to admit it's been hard not to get discouraged. I haven't seen any change in my appearance. I know it's only been 3 weeks, but that feels like an eternity when you are sacrificing your free time up to 5x a week to sweat and groan and when you ache so bad the next day you can barely walk up and down the stairs.
On Monday, I had a doctor's appointment with the same doctor that told me I was pregnant a year ago, then told me I would have to get chemo to abort it because the fetus was outside my uterus. I was supposed to have a follow up appointment with her last November, but the trauma of ER visits, sonograms that showed NOTHING, bleeding for 6 weeks, the pain.....let's just say I was not interested in being reminded so soon after the experience. Well, I'd love to say "What a difference a year makes", but I can't. This time, she told me I need to decide NOW if I am ever going to have a baby. The reason being, I am on the road to edometrial cancer due to my PCOS. She said, if I want to have a baby, I have to do it now so she can force ovulation and then start the process of cancer prevention (which would also prevent me from getting pregnant). If I don't want a baby, she will start the cancer prevention now.
Now this would all be cut and dry except that I am with someone who doesn't want to get married, is apathetic about having babies and who frustrates me from a financial "get your life together" perspective. I love him. I know this with all my heart. He loves me. I know this with all my heart. It doesn't feel like enough right now for me to say, "Let's get pregnant!". And yet, it might be my only opportunity. Do I risk having a baby with someone I don't know about the long term with, just so I can have a baby? Or do I say, "Well, I wasn't in a place to have a baby when I needed to decide, so I just never had a baby." Therapy on Thursday will help me decide, I guess.
On the bright side, Josh and I head to Maui for 5 days on the 6th of August and then I leave for NYC 2 days later for 10 days. If July was workout month, August is travel month. I'm anxious to move on to the next thing.
Friday, July 2, 2010
I've never really been "in" to makeup. You know: eye shadows, lipsticks, etc. Think I should start? It suddenly sounds fun.
But then I think of how I hate the feeling of lipstick when I'm trying to talk and eye gunk when I'm trying to blink and I get sad. I guess I won't be having "fun" after all.
If you wear makeup, tell me what you love and what you hate.
But then I think of how I hate the feeling of lipstick when I'm trying to talk and eye gunk when I'm trying to blink and I get sad. I guess I won't be having "fun" after all.
If you wear makeup, tell me what you love and what you hate.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Thus far...
Not a fan of summer school. Not the school, the staff, the curriculum or the number of kids on my roster.
Digging Pilates.
Hating my hair.
Remaining optimistic.
Digging Pilates.
Hating my hair.
Remaining optimistic.
Monday, June 28, 2010
what's NEWs
Summer vacation officially started last Wednesday, but I have been working every day at school since. Boo. For the 3rd year in a row, I am having to move classrooms. Last year was because I changed schools, but the other two years is because I keep getting booted to a different room. It's so annoying. Yes, next year I will have a much bigger room, but that doesn't make up for all this extra (unpaid) work I'm doing to pack, clean, clean, unpack, lift, carry, haul, clean, arrange....and the list goes on. It's made worse this year because I am moving into the room of a woman who is retiring after 31 years. 31 years in the SAME ROOM. Can you believer it? There are so many pieces of CRAP in this room. And the filth!!! Oh my. The filth. Yech. So anyway. It's a lot of work. Tomorrow, I hope to be done for a while. At least until the floor in my new room gets waxed. Then I can go in and start to really arrange and place and organize. For now, all of the tables have to be stacked against the wall and all the shelves pushed into the corner. I can't even tell how/if the furniture is going to fit in there until the floors are done. Lame.
I started seeing a new therapist when I got back from Nova Scotia. She is actually an Art Therapist, which was something of a gamble for me. I'd never had Art Therapy before, but I've worked with Art therapists in my career in education and I have even taken some Art Therapy classes. As such, it wasn't weird to me. I just didn't know how I might benefit from it or if I would at all. Basically, at the start of every session, she has me do something that doesn't involve conversation. She once had me make a card for myself. Another time, she had me select a couple of trinkets from a box that spoke to me. The last time we met, she asked me to draw something that was related to my vision of this summer. She always offers a variety of media including pen and markers and oil pastels. We then talk about these things. It's pretty revealing. I like it so far. The rest of the time is either spent talking about what's most pressing or charting major moments on the timeline of my life. I don't enjoy that last one so much, even though it's one of the major reasons I started seeing a therapist again. I want to look at my history to see why I do what I do and what patterns I need to identify to stop getting the same results. I get so busy and I ignore so much in my life--relationships, emotions, stress. It's totally unhealthy and I am doing it on purpose. I need to figure out why. Drawing every week might not be the solution, but I'm willing to try.
I determined my vision for the summer is to shed things. I need to shed fears, insecurities, bad choices, unhealthy emotions, and physical weight. All of it is interconnected. I haven't done anything yet to start this process, but I am excited to admit that I'm going to a Pilates mat class again tomorrow for the first time in two years. I don't know why I've waited so long. I LOVE Pilates. I even aspired to get Pilates certified for a time. In preparation, I took a reformer class since then and didn't like it at all. I realized I needed to focus on mat. I just haven't gotten motivated to go to another mat class and tomorrow, I am finally changing that. Thanks to my twinstar, Angela. I brought it up to her at my birthday celebration and she agreed to join me. Even if she doesn't commit to going more than once in a blue moon, I plan to sign up for at least a month. If I truly love it, I'll find a way to fit the extra $100 a month into my budget. I need to feel better inside as well as better about my outside. STAT. Here's to taking the first step...
I started seeing a new therapist when I got back from Nova Scotia. She is actually an Art Therapist, which was something of a gamble for me. I'd never had Art Therapy before, but I've worked with Art therapists in my career in education and I have even taken some Art Therapy classes. As such, it wasn't weird to me. I just didn't know how I might benefit from it or if I would at all. Basically, at the start of every session, she has me do something that doesn't involve conversation. She once had me make a card for myself. Another time, she had me select a couple of trinkets from a box that spoke to me. The last time we met, she asked me to draw something that was related to my vision of this summer. She always offers a variety of media including pen and markers and oil pastels. We then talk about these things. It's pretty revealing. I like it so far. The rest of the time is either spent talking about what's most pressing or charting major moments on the timeline of my life. I don't enjoy that last one so much, even though it's one of the major reasons I started seeing a therapist again. I want to look at my history to see why I do what I do and what patterns I need to identify to stop getting the same results. I get so busy and I ignore so much in my life--relationships, emotions, stress. It's totally unhealthy and I am doing it on purpose. I need to figure out why. Drawing every week might not be the solution, but I'm willing to try.
I determined my vision for the summer is to shed things. I need to shed fears, insecurities, bad choices, unhealthy emotions, and physical weight. All of it is interconnected. I haven't done anything yet to start this process, but I am excited to admit that I'm going to a Pilates mat class again tomorrow for the first time in two years. I don't know why I've waited so long. I LOVE Pilates. I even aspired to get Pilates certified for a time. In preparation, I took a reformer class since then and didn't like it at all. I realized I needed to focus on mat. I just haven't gotten motivated to go to another mat class and tomorrow, I am finally changing that. Thanks to my twinstar, Angela. I brought it up to her at my birthday celebration and she agreed to join me. Even if she doesn't commit to going more than once in a blue moon, I plan to sign up for at least a month. If I truly love it, I'll find a way to fit the extra $100 a month into my budget. I need to feel better inside as well as better about my outside. STAT. Here's to taking the first step...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
B'Day
It's been a tough week. Needless to say, I know. I don't want to go into what it's been like mourning with Nyella's family or visiting my old students or making myself sick with grief. Today is my birthday! As an only child, I have always been something of a primadonna about my birthday. I usually plan celebratory events than span a week...or 3! This year, for some reason, I didn't plan a thing. I'm not sure why. In the last few days, I'd completely forgotten about my birthday. My head has been in something of a fog. I think Josh has been afraid to push me to do anything. But my beautiful friend Erika sent me an email this morning with some of her wise words: "If senseless death and confusing loss teach us anything, I suppose it is that we must embrace the lives we ourselves continue to live." And thus, today I am taking a reprieve from heartbreak. I am going to do special things for myself today. If I've learned anything from aging, it's that I need to be my best friend and be good to myself or I'll never be truly open to receiving it from others. So Happy Birthday to Me! Let the celebration begin!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Nyella
On Saturday morning, a horrible tragedy happened in a nearby neighborhood. A townhouse caught on fire and 4 children and a 22-year old woman were trapped inside. When the fire was finally put out, the deceased bodies of the individuals were found huddled together in the bathroom upstairs. It was the worst fire tragedy in four decades in this city. They still haven't discovered what started it.
As I watched Last Comic Standing tonight, a preview of the upcoming nightly news came on during the commercials. On the screen was a large picture of one of my students last year. The sight of her face instantly made my heart glow. But the words that accompanied her face made no sense. It was like watching an old Kung Fu movie and hearing the soundtrack from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Still, I knew what I heard even if it didn't match what my eyes saw. I convinced my mind I had been mistaken and the picture was not of her--just another beautiful girl who was lucky enough to look like her. Josh was on his laptop and I smacked his arm in reflex and said, "Please. Look. Look up the story about the fire. It can't be her. They don't live in that neighborhood. That's not her." He was confused because he hadn't been watching the tv. But he knew what I meant when I said to look up the fire because everyone had heard of the tragedy.
There it was in black and white. Her name. Her picture. The story. All together. I kept staring. I screamed, "NO!" No. No. No. I felt tears. Such hot tears. My body unable to figure out what to do: stand, crouch, sit, arms encircling my legs, hands pulling at my hair. 'Who should I call? What should I do? How can this be???' No.
My eyes are swelled. My nose is stuffy. I'm tired from crying. I'm unable to rest. I feel....helpless.
This has never happened to me before. I have never lost a student. Because my students are so young, I hold them and kiss them and snuggle them. I kiss their bandaged hurts and stroke their hair when they feel cranky. I see them more than their parents do and they rely upon me to nurture and love them. And it was so easy to love her. She was full of love. She was full of light. I know it's easy to say that when you lose someone. But I said these things all the time during our days together. She simply was a magical child.
And now she's gone. And I don't know what to do.
As I watched Last Comic Standing tonight, a preview of the upcoming nightly news came on during the commercials. On the screen was a large picture of one of my students last year. The sight of her face instantly made my heart glow. But the words that accompanied her face made no sense. It was like watching an old Kung Fu movie and hearing the soundtrack from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Still, I knew what I heard even if it didn't match what my eyes saw. I convinced my mind I had been mistaken and the picture was not of her--just another beautiful girl who was lucky enough to look like her. Josh was on his laptop and I smacked his arm in reflex and said, "Please. Look. Look up the story about the fire. It can't be her. They don't live in that neighborhood. That's not her." He was confused because he hadn't been watching the tv. But he knew what I meant when I said to look up the fire because everyone had heard of the tragedy.
There it was in black and white. Her name. Her picture. The story. All together. I kept staring. I screamed, "NO!" No. No. No. I felt tears. Such hot tears. My body unable to figure out what to do: stand, crouch, sit, arms encircling my legs, hands pulling at my hair. 'Who should I call? What should I do? How can this be???' No.
My eyes are swelled. My nose is stuffy. I'm tired from crying. I'm unable to rest. I feel....helpless.
This has never happened to me before. I have never lost a student. Because my students are so young, I hold them and kiss them and snuggle them. I kiss their bandaged hurts and stroke their hair when they feel cranky. I see them more than their parents do and they rely upon me to nurture and love them. And it was so easy to love her. She was full of love. She was full of light. I know it's easy to say that when you lose someone. But I said these things all the time during our days together. She simply was a magical child.
And now she's gone. And I don't know what to do.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Talk Back
I know. I never post anymore. But I do read blogs still. I'm just bad about comments. It makes me feel like I'm spying. I don't like that and I hope to remedy it as soon as school is over. 7 more school days!! Only 4 more school days and then K graduation! I can't wait to get everything done this week that's looming over my head. My birthday is on Thursday, but I don't even care. I just have too much to do. That day seems like an inconvenience at this point. If I lived in Indiana, I'd be finished with school by now and I could enjoy it. But I don't. My parents do, and they celebrated the official start to summer break by leaving today for their vacation home in Brazil. Instead, I can look forward to teaching Summer School. Man, it sucks being poor.
Yesterday, I took my kids to the park for a field trip to meet their pen pals. All year, they have been writing to the kids in the classroom I would have taught in if I'd stayed at my old school. Because we have a district of neighborhood schools, there are great discrepancies between the schools socioeconomically, racially, and in quality. My old school is in the south end of the city. As such, the kids are poor, of African descent (some as recently as a year ago) and the school has no PTA (aka no funding). My current school is in the north end, in a neighborhood where the average home price falls just below $1M and the children are 98% white and the PTA pays for a music teacher, a swim program, and holds a yearly auction that nets on avg. 60 grand. It isn't right. I know this. But the city tried bussing and north and south end parents alike fought to go back to neighborhood schools. And thus, it looks the way it does. I knew when I transferred to this affluent school that I wanted to teach about diversity and I also wanted my kids to interact with others and gain an appreciation for diversity. I believe this pen pal program has helped. I can't express to you how magical it was to see my kids with their pen pals, linked by a written history. They were fast friends and never questioned the differences in their lives. They embraced them.
How surprised I was, then, to be approached by a woman at the park who was visiting with her kids and essentially ruined the day for me. Let me preface this story by saying that in the last 10 years, there has been massive gentrification of the south end neighborhoods. Developers have seen this part of the city as a potential goldmine. With north end prices so staggeringly high, it leaves a large population of the homebuyer market unattainable to most. By buying cheaper land in the south end and building modern condos and renovating storefronts, they are hoping to attract younger couples into buying and "hip" and funky stores into renting space to further attract these people into living there. The problem of course is that then the prices go up for the poor minorities that live there, forcing them to move away due to inability to afford to shop in their neighborhood. Some are even told they must move out because their building has been sold to a condo developer. In the last 5 years or so, it has become "cool" to move into these gentrified neighborhoods and the public spaces are becoming more and more filled with white people.
It didn't surprise me, then, to see so many nannies at the park near my old school, and some stay at home moms with their kids in tow. When one of these white moms approached me, though, the surprise was strong. "Are you really from Green Lake?" I didn't detect the sarcasm at first. "Yes. My students are meeting their penpals from the school right down the road for the very first time." I said this with great pride. "Seriously? You're *really* from Green Lake? I can't believe Green Lake parents would let their kids play south of the ship canal." Her smirk is etched in my mind and makes me want to spithim her face when I think of it. I was speechless. "And they would let them be pen pals with [the school down the street]?! That's amazing!" her sarcasm and apparent disdain for the parents at my neighborhood school was biting. She laughed then. It was a snarky, mean laugh. I gave her a disappointed look and walked away. Whether she knew it or not, it was me she was insulting. This was my project, my idea. I expected to be celebrated and instead I was insulted. I walked away, roaming to watch my kids and their pen pals on various play structures. For at least an hour, this ate at me. I began thinking of all of the great comebacks I could think of. It's always that way, isn't it? I never have an artillery ready like I want to. Finally I decided I would say something to her. I had it prepared. First I would say, "You know, your comments have really been bothering me. I just can't figure out what your problem is." Then I would follw with the first punch, "Are you just jealous that you can't afford a house north of the ship canal, or do you honestly believe you are culturally superior because you live in a gentrified neighborhood?" I would then finish with the piece de resistance, "Maybe you're just upset that your kids won't be eligible to go to Green Lake when they're school-aged. My guess is you won't be sending your kids to [the school down the street] when the time comes. You'll choose to pay for private school instead. Actually, even if you deny it, I know I'm right about that." In five years of teaching, I've only ever seen 3 white kids a year at mist attend Kindergarten at that school. By first grade, when they realize the state of the school, they leave.
I went confidently back to the area she'd been in with her kids. I looked all over. In the distance I saw her loading her kids into her mini van while blocking traffic and talking with another mom in a mini van. I'd missed my opportunity. Better that I did, I know. I'm a public servant as a public school teacher and it could have come back to slap me in the face. That woman would not have been worth it.
But damn if I don't still think it would have felt good.
Yesterday, I took my kids to the park for a field trip to meet their pen pals. All year, they have been writing to the kids in the classroom I would have taught in if I'd stayed at my old school. Because we have a district of neighborhood schools, there are great discrepancies between the schools socioeconomically, racially, and in quality. My old school is in the south end of the city. As such, the kids are poor, of African descent (some as recently as a year ago) and the school has no PTA (aka no funding). My current school is in the north end, in a neighborhood where the average home price falls just below $1M and the children are 98% white and the PTA pays for a music teacher, a swim program, and holds a yearly auction that nets on avg. 60 grand. It isn't right. I know this. But the city tried bussing and north and south end parents alike fought to go back to neighborhood schools. And thus, it looks the way it does. I knew when I transferred to this affluent school that I wanted to teach about diversity and I also wanted my kids to interact with others and gain an appreciation for diversity. I believe this pen pal program has helped. I can't express to you how magical it was to see my kids with their pen pals, linked by a written history. They were fast friends and never questioned the differences in their lives. They embraced them.
How surprised I was, then, to be approached by a woman at the park who was visiting with her kids and essentially ruined the day for me. Let me preface this story by saying that in the last 10 years, there has been massive gentrification of the south end neighborhoods. Developers have seen this part of the city as a potential goldmine. With north end prices so staggeringly high, it leaves a large population of the homebuyer market unattainable to most. By buying cheaper land in the south end and building modern condos and renovating storefronts, they are hoping to attract younger couples into buying and "hip" and funky stores into renting space to further attract these people into living there. The problem of course is that then the prices go up for the poor minorities that live there, forcing them to move away due to inability to afford to shop in their neighborhood. Some are even told they must move out because their building has been sold to a condo developer. In the last 5 years or so, it has become "cool" to move into these gentrified neighborhoods and the public spaces are becoming more and more filled with white people.
It didn't surprise me, then, to see so many nannies at the park near my old school, and some stay at home moms with their kids in tow. When one of these white moms approached me, though, the surprise was strong. "Are you really from Green Lake?" I didn't detect the sarcasm at first. "Yes. My students are meeting their penpals from the school right down the road for the very first time." I said this with great pride. "Seriously? You're *really* from Green Lake? I can't believe Green Lake parents would let their kids play south of the ship canal." Her smirk is etched in my mind and makes me want to spithim her face when I think of it. I was speechless. "And they would let them be pen pals with [the school down the street]?! That's amazing!" her sarcasm and apparent disdain for the parents at my neighborhood school was biting. She laughed then. It was a snarky, mean laugh. I gave her a disappointed look and walked away. Whether she knew it or not, it was me she was insulting. This was my project, my idea. I expected to be celebrated and instead I was insulted. I walked away, roaming to watch my kids and their pen pals on various play structures. For at least an hour, this ate at me. I began thinking of all of the great comebacks I could think of. It's always that way, isn't it? I never have an artillery ready like I want to. Finally I decided I would say something to her. I had it prepared. First I would say, "You know, your comments have really been bothering me. I just can't figure out what your problem is." Then I would follw with the first punch, "Are you just jealous that you can't afford a house north of the ship canal, or do you honestly believe you are culturally superior because you live in a gentrified neighborhood?" I would then finish with the piece de resistance, "Maybe you're just upset that your kids won't be eligible to go to Green Lake when they're school-aged. My guess is you won't be sending your kids to [the school down the street] when the time comes. You'll choose to pay for private school instead. Actually, even if you deny it, I know I'm right about that." In five years of teaching, I've only ever seen 3 white kids a year at mist attend Kindergarten at that school. By first grade, when they realize the state of the school, they leave.
I went confidently back to the area she'd been in with her kids. I looked all over. In the distance I saw her loading her kids into her mini van while blocking traffic and talking with another mom in a mini van. I'd missed my opportunity. Better that I did, I know. I'm a public servant as a public school teacher and it could have come back to slap me in the face. That woman would not have been worth it.
But damn if I don't still think it would have felt good.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Collage
Glee makes me really happy.
I'm past exhaustion today, but I really want to go to Pilates in 2 1/2 hours. Can I do it?
Sometimes I wish I could turn on a DVD and make Lulu entertained. Going to the park can be such an endeavor.
I started seeing an art therapist. Its been...interesting.
I mostly love my new apartment, but I'm still not moved out of storage.
I'm thinking of going on a solo trip this summer. I'm on the fence.
I bought a URL for my ed blog: teachdirty.com. Check it out!
And that, in a montage, is what's on my brain for today.
I'm past exhaustion today, but I really want to go to Pilates in 2 1/2 hours. Can I do it?
Sometimes I wish I could turn on a DVD and make Lulu entertained. Going to the park can be such an endeavor.
I started seeing an art therapist. Its been...interesting.
I mostly love my new apartment, but I'm still not moved out of storage.
I'm thinking of going on a solo trip this summer. I'm on the fence.
I bought a URL for my ed blog: teachdirty.com. Check it out!
And that, in a montage, is what's on my brain for today.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Yup. Still busy.
I went to a 3 day workshop last weekend that was amazing and beautiful and really valuable. I got so many great ideas to expose my kids to in the outdoors.
My students and I made worm bins yesterday and a local boy scout troop built the raised beds that we'll be planting in next month.
I'm kind of getting dizzy with posting and cross posting to Teach Dirty and Facebook and my expedition blog.
Speaking of which, I leave for my expedition in less than 2 weeks. I am starting to get excited. I have to send out press releases as soon as possible. I've really been slacking in that department. Today, I spent $360 at REI on some new gear. I'm kind of regretting spending that amount, but I also feel it's stuff I need for the trip and not just frivolous things.
Oh, and, I'm moving. Without Josh. We were looking for places this month and one day he says, "I think we should live apart" completely out of nowhere. I was taken aback of course, and then he said, "I think it's the only way I'm going to get my shit together." Now, we do agree he needs to get that together, but I don't understand why that means we have to part ways. Until he says, "I don't want things to change between us, though." Um, what?? So, long story short because it's late and I'm tired, he's living on a sailboat for the next 5 months and I'm not sure where I'll land. I couldn't find a place in the limited time I had before I told the landlord I'd be out, so I'm staying with my friend for 10 days before I leave for my trip, then staying with him again upon my return while I scour for and locate a home. Josh and I are putting our things into storage. Me because I need a place for it all while I'm at my friend's and gone; him because there is no room for anything but him and clothes on the boat. And in terms of "us", we're not breaking up, but I have to be honest and say that I don't understand this. It's moving backwards in a relationship. I feel that I am ready for and deserving of all or nothing....not this in-between dating stuff. We just surpassed 3 years together. We are in our mid-30's. It may just be the beginning of the end and I have been crying a LOT over it. I keep telling myself it will all work out in the end and this will all be for the best, but man is it hard. Right now my schedule is so full and consuming and I feel unprepared to deal with this. Just packing right now is breaking my spirit and heart.
I will get through this though and I'll be okay. I just need to focus on the present and stop freaking out about the future or lamenting the past. I can do it. I can.
I went to a 3 day workshop last weekend that was amazing and beautiful and really valuable. I got so many great ideas to expose my kids to in the outdoors.
My students and I made worm bins yesterday and a local boy scout troop built the raised beds that we'll be planting in next month.
I'm kind of getting dizzy with posting and cross posting to Teach Dirty and Facebook and my expedition blog.
Speaking of which, I leave for my expedition in less than 2 weeks. I am starting to get excited. I have to send out press releases as soon as possible. I've really been slacking in that department. Today, I spent $360 at REI on some new gear. I'm kind of regretting spending that amount, but I also feel it's stuff I need for the trip and not just frivolous things.
Oh, and, I'm moving. Without Josh. We were looking for places this month and one day he says, "I think we should live apart" completely out of nowhere. I was taken aback of course, and then he said, "I think it's the only way I'm going to get my shit together." Now, we do agree he needs to get that together, but I don't understand why that means we have to part ways. Until he says, "I don't want things to change between us, though." Um, what?? So, long story short because it's late and I'm tired, he's living on a sailboat for the next 5 months and I'm not sure where I'll land. I couldn't find a place in the limited time I had before I told the landlord I'd be out, so I'm staying with my friend for 10 days before I leave for my trip, then staying with him again upon my return while I scour for and locate a home. Josh and I are putting our things into storage. Me because I need a place for it all while I'm at my friend's and gone; him because there is no room for anything but him and clothes on the boat. And in terms of "us", we're not breaking up, but I have to be honest and say that I don't understand this. It's moving backwards in a relationship. I feel that I am ready for and deserving of all or nothing....not this in-between dating stuff. We just surpassed 3 years together. We are in our mid-30's. It may just be the beginning of the end and I have been crying a LOT over it. I keep telling myself it will all work out in the end and this will all be for the best, but man is it hard. Right now my schedule is so full and consuming and I feel unprepared to deal with this. Just packing right now is breaking my spirit and heart.
I will get through this though and I'll be okay. I just need to focus on the present and stop freaking out about the future or lamenting the past. I can do it. I can.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Bzzzzzy
There are a few things I've had on my plate. It's all working out right now, but I could envision my head exploding at some point. Please follow me in my current life endeavors by adding these blogs to your roll: My Nova Scotia Expedition and Teach Dirty.
You can also fan my FaceBook Page and follow me on Twitter, if you want to make me glow.
Don't worry, though. I'm not going anywhere. I might be a bit less active here for a bit while I get accustomed to juggling, but I'm going to need my guilty pleasure of letting it all hang out more than ever now.
You can also fan my FaceBook Page and follow me on Twitter, if you want to make me glow.
Don't worry, though. I'm not going anywhere. I might be a bit less active here for a bit while I get accustomed to juggling, but I'm going to need my guilty pleasure of letting it all hang out more than ever now.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Headaches
...I'm getting them a lot lately. Stress, I think. My head feels tight, in the front, near my temples. I think that's stress. Anyway, it's been a long time since I've gotten so many headaches repeatedly. Ibuprofen and I have developed a mighty close relationship. I thought about going to get a massage this weekend. I really should have. My week is going to be insanely busy: Meetings every night this week!!
I put in notice to move. Finally. I know. At least I'm moving forward and it's no longer a debate in my mind. Everything I dreaded about the experience is here now--the search, the packing, the moving, the mourning. I will really miss this house. It's a great house in a great location. I just can't afford it. This of course means that everything I can afford is cheaper, smaller, and uglier. Downgrading sucks. I'm not really willing to give up having my own washer and dryer, a dishwasher, a fireplace....but I know I can't have it all. Mmm. I am remaining optimistic. In 2 weeks, anxiety may hit. Be forewarned.
I put in notice to move. Finally. I know. At least I'm moving forward and it's no longer a debate in my mind. Everything I dreaded about the experience is here now--the search, the packing, the moving, the mourning. I will really miss this house. It's a great house in a great location. I just can't afford it. This of course means that everything I can afford is cheaper, smaller, and uglier. Downgrading sucks. I'm not really willing to give up having my own washer and dryer, a dishwasher, a fireplace....but I know I can't have it all. Mmm. I am remaining optimistic. In 2 weeks, anxiety may hit. Be forewarned.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Life is too short
...to not wear pretty dresses. Y wrote that on her blog the other day and I thought, "That should have been my New Year's resolution!" It relates to more than just appearance and health. For me, it's about doing the things I really want to do, even if I don't think I have the money. It's about making the right choices for how I choose to spend my time and valuing the things and people I love. It's about being the best me that can be. Life is too short to not wear pretty dresses. Yes, it means all of that and more.
I am really fortunate to have had all of last week off. I crafted, I did my taxes, I paid some bills. Most importantly, I rested. I slept a TON. I still feel exhausted, but the point is that I took care of myself and I often forget to do that. I began acupuncture treatment the week before last for my hormonal imbalance and my (seemingly chronic) fatigue. I can't say it's helped, but I'm willing to go through all 11 treatments (at a cost of $220 out of pocket) to see if it has any effect. I went to the doctor's again to have bloodwork done and see if I could blame my exhaustion on anemia or poor kidney function. No dice. It's frustrating to get "a clean bill of health" when you can FEEL that that isn't the case.
In other, better news....I'm planning some adventures and renewing my commitment to running. As soon as I get myself back "in the running", I'm going to sign up for a 5K to really inspire me to keep it up. On the adventure end, coming up: My expedition to Nova Scotia in April, Whitewater Rafting the Klickitat (also in April), Ziplining in Whistler in June, Nicaragua or Morocco in July, and NYC in August. Todd and I are aspiring to go on an expedition to Costa Rica in the fall and I will be spending Christmas in either Germany or Brazil, depending on where the family is going to be, so that's something I can also look forward to. I'd love to fit Vegas and Arizona in in March, but it's difficult to see that happening. There isn't much time to make that happen financially. I'm okay with that, though. I obviously have plenty of other reasons to "wear pretty dresses" throughout the year!
I am really fortunate to have had all of last week off. I crafted, I did my taxes, I paid some bills. Most importantly, I rested. I slept a TON. I still feel exhausted, but the point is that I took care of myself and I often forget to do that. I began acupuncture treatment the week before last for my hormonal imbalance and my (seemingly chronic) fatigue. I can't say it's helped, but I'm willing to go through all 11 treatments (at a cost of $220 out of pocket) to see if it has any effect. I went to the doctor's again to have bloodwork done and see if I could blame my exhaustion on anemia or poor kidney function. No dice. It's frustrating to get "a clean bill of health" when you can FEEL that that isn't the case.
In other, better news....I'm planning some adventures and renewing my commitment to running. As soon as I get myself back "in the running", I'm going to sign up for a 5K to really inspire me to keep it up. On the adventure end, coming up: My expedition to Nova Scotia in April, Whitewater Rafting the Klickitat (also in April), Ziplining in Whistler in June, Nicaragua or Morocco in July, and NYC in August. Todd and I are aspiring to go on an expedition to Costa Rica in the fall and I will be spending Christmas in either Germany or Brazil, depending on where the family is going to be, so that's something I can also look forward to. I'd love to fit Vegas and Arizona in in March, but it's difficult to see that happening. There isn't much time to make that happen financially. I'm okay with that, though. I obviously have plenty of other reasons to "wear pretty dresses" throughout the year!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Little Loves
I got this email from a mom of my student who not only brought me a big heart box of candy yesterday, but also a Mylar balloon and card:
Just wanted to share, we were picking our your card (his idea - very important) and I read one he picked and it was a bit too romantic. "Layne it says 'I love you so very much' " Layne replied with "But I do love Ms. B so very much". Then another romantic one said 'On our first Valentines Day'. Layne said "But this is our first Valentines Day". Ha ha Fun experience.
I love my munchkins. I am so very lucky.
Just wanted to share, we were picking our your card (his idea - very important) and I read one he picked and it was a bit too romantic. "Layne it says 'I love you so very much' " Layne replied with "But I do love Ms. B so very much". Then another romantic one said 'On our first Valentines Day'. Layne said "But this is our first Valentines Day". Ha ha Fun experience.
I love my munchkins. I am so very lucky.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Green dreams
I'm 10 pounds down! Now I just need to let that surprise German Chocolate Cake I got last weekend be the last for a while. We already finished it!
There are so many places I want to travel right now. We have a week off in 2 weeks--well, I do--not Josh. I want to go to either the Oregon Coast or Vegas, but I know we'll just stay here. No money to be doing even such low-budget things. Our neighbor friends just got back from Belize and I am left salivating over the photos of white beaches and an aquamarine ocean. I want to stay in a grass hut!
I keep thinking about how I wish Josh made more money. That's horrible, isn't it? I just think you should either work for passion or money. Both would be ideal, of course. As much as Josh wants to do what he does because he works for himself, I know he also believes it's the only thing he can do. I wish I could spark something to change his mindset. If he was truly
passionate, I could accept our being poor much better than I do. Of course, I'll also continue to support him regardless. I'm good at that part of the job. A girl can still dream though, can't she? It would be nice....
There are so many places I want to travel right now. We have a week off in 2 weeks--well, I do--not Josh. I want to go to either the Oregon Coast or Vegas, but I know we'll just stay here. No money to be doing even such low-budget things. Our neighbor friends just got back from Belize and I am left salivating over the photos of white beaches and an aquamarine ocean. I want to stay in a grass hut!
I keep thinking about how I wish Josh made more money. That's horrible, isn't it? I just think you should either work for passion or money. Both would be ideal, of course. As much as Josh wants to do what he does because he works for himself, I know he also believes it's the only thing he can do. I wish I could spark something to change his mindset. If he was truly
passionate, I could accept our being poor much better than I do. Of course, I'll also continue to support him regardless. I'm good at that part of the job. A girl can still dream though, can't she? It would be nice....
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Grrrrump
I'm grumpy. I'm less grumpy after eating half a box of PB Panda Puffs cereal. Why does that make me less grumpy? I wish eating 50 carrots made me feel less grumpy, but it just doesn't.
My Principal was moved to another school for next year, the P.E. teacher became the 2nd grade teacher, our Literacy coach is leaving (unless they make her the new Principal) and they just hired a new P.E. teacher whom I really don't like, replacing the teacher my kids love and have grown accustomed to since the first one switched jobs. You know, I finally thought I had found stability. I thought I had found my home. Now I'm starting to blame myself for the apparent sudden "chaos" of our school. I think it just follows me. I'm cursed!!
I especially feel badly for my new friend Allison, the temporary P.E. teacher. She has such great classroom management skills and she's a great bright energy in our school. I really feel like her "denial" by the hiring committee is a slap in the face. She would have been perfect. She's so experienced too! I know all too well what it feels like to be good at teaching, to give endlessly, only to be unable to find a teaching job. My kids are going to miss her; I'm going to miss her.
Hrm. Peanut Butter Panda Puffs lost their charm.
My Principal was moved to another school for next year, the P.E. teacher became the 2nd grade teacher, our Literacy coach is leaving (unless they make her the new Principal) and they just hired a new P.E. teacher whom I really don't like, replacing the teacher my kids love and have grown accustomed to since the first one switched jobs. You know, I finally thought I had found stability. I thought I had found my home. Now I'm starting to blame myself for the apparent sudden "chaos" of our school. I think it just follows me. I'm cursed!!
I especially feel badly for my new friend Allison, the temporary P.E. teacher. She has such great classroom management skills and she's a great bright energy in our school. I really feel like her "denial" by the hiring committee is a slap in the face. She would have been perfect. She's so experienced too! I know all too well what it feels like to be good at teaching, to give endlessly, only to be unable to find a teaching job. My kids are going to miss her; I'm going to miss her.
Hrm. Peanut Butter Panda Puffs lost their charm.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Motorveighshun
I feel like I accomplished a lot today, though I never took off my PJ's. I...
...applied for a grant to teach in Morocco
...did 5 loads of laundry (and put them all away!!)
...cleaned up my sewing table
...tidied the kitchen
...cleaned my bedroom
...downloaded pictures off my phone and camera
...made a workout mix on my ipod
...ordered photos for my student's pen pal project
...ate WAY too many raisins
I guess I wasn't that productive, but I really felt as though I could have done less. :)
I have felt so fatigued as of late. Yesterday we drove to Anacortes for a day trip, and it was lovely, but I could barely keep my eyelids open in the car. When we arrived, I was overcome with how heavy my eyelids felt. I did alright, but I was kind of worried about myself. I kept it inside because I didn't want Josh to worry about me. Today, it took me a while to get energized, but I fared all right. I couldn't muster enough energy to leave the house, but I felt motivated to get some things done. Tomorrow, I'd like to go to the gym for the first time in months. Bad idea? We'll see. I hope I follow through. I need to get in shape in a big way. Wish me luck.
...applied for a grant to teach in Morocco
...did 5 loads of laundry (and put them all away!!)
...cleaned up my sewing table
...tidied the kitchen
...cleaned my bedroom
...downloaded pictures off my phone and camera
...made a workout mix on my ipod
...ordered photos for my student's pen pal project
...ate WAY too many raisins
I guess I wasn't that productive, but I really felt as though I could have done less. :)
I have felt so fatigued as of late. Yesterday we drove to Anacortes for a day trip, and it was lovely, but I could barely keep my eyelids open in the car. When we arrived, I was overcome with how heavy my eyelids felt. I did alright, but I was kind of worried about myself. I kept it inside because I didn't want Josh to worry about me. Today, it took me a while to get energized, but I fared all right. I couldn't muster enough energy to leave the house, but I felt motivated to get some things done. Tomorrow, I'd like to go to the gym for the first time in months. Bad idea? We'll see. I hope I follow through. I need to get in shape in a big way. Wish me luck.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Feelgoods
Last night, I went to a party at a coworker's. It was nice because even though I see these people everyday, we never get to talk. Over wine. (my health month wine being Perrier with lemon, of course.) Anyway, two different teachers told me they want their kid in my class in the next year or 2. That's pretty damn special, I think. Considering I'm the newest K teacher and all. Anyhoot. Just wanted to say that.
Josh is making brunch and it smells AMAZING.
Josh is making brunch and it smells AMAZING.
Friday, January 15, 2010
TEST
I am looking at my blog at work and the posts are not alligned with the top of my blog page. I have to scroll way down and look at the posts. Is this what you see as well? On my Mac at home, everything looks the way it's supposed to. Hmmmm....
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Haiti Hatey
I am so saddened by the devastation caused in Haiti. We've started a fund in my classroom: Pennies for Haiti. My kids came up with it. Because they are awesome.
There has been a lot of talk on FB regarding Haiti. Josh posted something today in response to one of his "friends" in Indiana that made me excessively proud to be his girlfriend. The poster was bitching about Obama giving US Funds to Haiti for humanitarian aid. Josh said he was proud to be the citizen of a country that will come to the aid of those who suffer. Friends of this poster began posting that Josh was Anti-American and that he had drunk the "kool-aid" or "hater-aid". Besides having a knee-jerk reaction of wanting to curse at them, I'm so sad that people feel this way.
I have never been someone loyal only to my country, but rather loyal to humanity. Call me what you will, but I am devoted to making this world a better place by taking care of the individuals within it, no matter what race or creed or ethnicity. I am not religious and I'm irritated with religion for the fact that it influences people to judge others and discriminate. When someone says, "God wanted Haiti to suffer", I want to scream. How could anyone believe in a supreme being that punishes and kills? I just don't get it.
All of this is just a ramble of words that aren't well thought-out, but it's what comes from the core of my being in a jumble and it makes sense to me. I just needed to get it out.
There has been a lot of talk on FB regarding Haiti. Josh posted something today in response to one of his "friends" in Indiana that made me excessively proud to be his girlfriend. The poster was bitching about Obama giving US Funds to Haiti for humanitarian aid. Josh said he was proud to be the citizen of a country that will come to the aid of those who suffer. Friends of this poster began posting that Josh was Anti-American and that he had drunk the "kool-aid" or "hater-aid". Besides having a knee-jerk reaction of wanting to curse at them, I'm so sad that people feel this way.
I have never been someone loyal only to my country, but rather loyal to humanity. Call me what you will, but I am devoted to making this world a better place by taking care of the individuals within it, no matter what race or creed or ethnicity. I am not religious and I'm irritated with religion for the fact that it influences people to judge others and discriminate. When someone says, "God wanted Haiti to suffer", I want to scream. How could anyone believe in a supreme being that punishes and kills? I just don't get it.
All of this is just a ramble of words that aren't well thought-out, but it's what comes from the core of my being in a jumble and it makes sense to me. I just needed to get it out.
Monday, January 11, 2010
No Ugly
GOOD NEWS: I have successfully completed nearly 8 full days without sugar, alcohol, white flour and white rice, and coffee. I think I don't even miss those things, but I am eating more I think to combat the cravings. That's not so swell. Maybe it will even out eventually. ?? I hope so. I can't fit into my pants.
BAD NEWS: My Principal has been moved to another school for next year. I am probably more devastated by this news than I should be, but I really think it's just the PTSD I have as a result of having HORRIBLE, HEINOUS individuals working as Principals in my previous schools. She announced it to us at 3:30 and I promptly began to cry crocodile tears as soon as I left the staff room. I am in panic mode about what will happen next year. Will I get another nightmare of a Principal? I am so afraid. I can't survive another year of that.
BAD NEWS: My Principal has been moved to another school for next year. I am probably more devastated by this news than I should be, but I really think it's just the PTSD I have as a result of having HORRIBLE, HEINOUS individuals working as Principals in my previous schools. She announced it to us at 3:30 and I promptly began to cry crocodile tears as soon as I left the staff room. I am in panic mode about what will happen next year. Will I get another nightmare of a Principal? I am so afraid. I can't survive another year of that.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Sweet sauce
Well, kids, I've made it through three (that's 3) days of no sugar! I am beginning to realize it isn't the sugar as much as it's the baked goods I'm addicted to. I can barely go into the staff room without running right out again. Even though the holidays have ended, people are still bringing in cookies and chocolate and other dietkillers. I really like cookies and chocolate, by the way. But you know how many I've had? None. Zero! Nada. Yay for me. Let's keep it up. Jennifer, our school counselor, told me today when I was boasting about my 3 day success, that she has been sugar free for over 20 years. I just stared at her. A long time. That's craziness, I tell you. She said I'll be home free after 2 weeks. That's good to hear for the following 2 weeks and change, but I don't plan to lock sugar out of my life for good! Baked things are just too amazing. AMAZING. In fact, I never realized how amazing until now. Man, it's hard to kick the monkey off your back.
Tomorrow, my sewing machine is supposed to arrive. I can hardly stand the thought of having to go into work on Friday! I guess we know how I'll be spending my Saturday!
Tomorrow, my sewing machine is supposed to arrive. I can hardly stand the thought of having to go into work on Friday! I guess we know how I'll be spending my Saturday!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Resolution Reality, Part 1
I am beginning to feel the pressures of my New Year's Resolutions. Follow through is something that affects so many aspects of my life. For example, today is my first laundry day in the New Year. I wait until Sunday to do laundry for two reasons: I can, and it's cheaper. I can because I don't have kids that require boat loads of laundry to be done on a weekly basis and it's cheaper because Sundays and evenings are the times when the rates are less for power use. Did you know this? Years ago, I was reading the papers that come with our utility bills -the papers that you automatically recycle because you don't care about anything in the envelope except how much you owe. For some reason I actually read these papers on one particular day and in there they sent a bar graph representing the cost per kw (or something like that) of use. Sundays and evenings were the cheapest because businesses are not typically using power at that time. They recommended higher power sucker machines like dishwasher and laundry machines be used Sundays and evenings in order to have lower electricity bills. I latched on to that information and ever since, I've only used the dishwasher and laundry machines during those "low cost" times. Someone could prove me wrong today and I'm in such the habit of doing this I probably wouldn't change. So back to my point. What was my point? Oh yeah, laundry day is hard. So here I am dutifully doing laundry. The problem with doing all my laundry on one day is that it literally takes up the entire day. I do at minimum 4 loads (darks, lights, hots: towels and undies, and whites). That means I have to fold and hang and put away at minimum four loads. Man, that takes a lot of work. Now I know this won't be anything compared to if I do actually have kids. But right now it feels like a ton of work. In the past, we've ended up with loads of clean laundry just sitting in the hampers never getting put away for days. I can't do that any more if I'm going to focus on following through on things, you know? Hence this feeling of dread. Dishes, same thing. Josh ran the dishwasher last night, so of course now I need to follow through and put those clean dishes away rather than letting them sit in the washer while dirty dishes pile up in the sink. Ugh. The Christmas tree ornaments. We took down the Christmas tree yesterday and I put all of the ornaments into a bag for quick removal. Of course, now I need to follow through and put all the ornaments, stockings, decor, etc. into their rightful places in storage. I tell you, this follow through business is going to take a lot of getting used to (and a lot of complaining and whining of course).
My latest conundrum is that all of this sourness with follow through is making me hesitant to join "Health Month". Health month occurs every January. It requires eliminating everything "bad" for you in your diet like sugar, caffeine, dairy, white flour and rice, alcohol and nicotine, fried foods and fatty meats, and including exercise 3x per week. It starts tonight at midnight and ends 2/1 at midnight. I've always meant to do it. I mean, it's good for you! And truthfully, I already try hard to eliminate the white flour and white rice. (Save sushi. Man, I do love sushi.) The sugar would be the hardest thing. And the no red wine part. Red wine is my crutch. My job only feels possible with red wine. (Wait, did I say that? Maybe that means I have a problem. Oops.) And goat/sheep cheese is so GOOD. Tea with caffeine is actually allowed, which makes that part 100% manageable for me. I know Josh won't participate and that will naturally make it more difficult for me. Oh what to do. I know it's just one month. Anything is possible for one month, right? But will I get mean without sugar? Will I get grumpy or tired? Is that fair to my students? It sounds so LAME to say I can't do health month because of my job, but, honestly, I have a job where a positive emotional state is key to my ability to function. I can't shut my office door when I'm in a bad mood. I can't call in sick if I have a migraine. I can't hide behind my computer or reduce the amount of conversations I have with people or do less work on any given day. I know I'm not alone. I don't mean to say that being a teacher is the hardest job on the planet or the highest calling or anything of the sort. I only know what is required of me to do my job and what I can and can't modify based on my emotional state in order to perform it. I don't want to sound like a drama queen, but can I honestly partake in health month without sacrificing my students? Okay, I do sound like a drama queen. I guess settles it. Just to prove my whiny self wrong, I'm partaking in health month even if it kills me. If I don't follow through with health month, I won't hate myself or think I've failed...I'll simply do my best and I will only quit if it's for a damn good reason. Like, I go blind with headaches. Or I get really close to throttling a kid or telling off my school secretary (the latter of which takes incredible restraint as it is). Okay.
Wish me luck! Believe me, I'll keep you posted.
My latest conundrum is that all of this sourness with follow through is making me hesitant to join "Health Month". Health month occurs every January. It requires eliminating everything "bad" for you in your diet like sugar, caffeine, dairy, white flour and rice, alcohol and nicotine, fried foods and fatty meats, and including exercise 3x per week. It starts tonight at midnight and ends 2/1 at midnight. I've always meant to do it. I mean, it's good for you! And truthfully, I already try hard to eliminate the white flour and white rice. (Save sushi. Man, I do love sushi.) The sugar would be the hardest thing. And the no red wine part. Red wine is my crutch. My job only feels possible with red wine. (Wait, did I say that? Maybe that means I have a problem. Oops.) And goat/sheep cheese is so GOOD. Tea with caffeine is actually allowed, which makes that part 100% manageable for me. I know Josh won't participate and that will naturally make it more difficult for me. Oh what to do. I know it's just one month. Anything is possible for one month, right? But will I get mean without sugar? Will I get grumpy or tired? Is that fair to my students? It sounds so LAME to say I can't do health month because of my job, but, honestly, I have a job where a positive emotional state is key to my ability to function. I can't shut my office door when I'm in a bad mood. I can't call in sick if I have a migraine. I can't hide behind my computer or reduce the amount of conversations I have with people or do less work on any given day. I know I'm not alone. I don't mean to say that being a teacher is the hardest job on the planet or the highest calling or anything of the sort. I only know what is required of me to do my job and what I can and can't modify based on my emotional state in order to perform it. I don't want to sound like a drama queen, but can I honestly partake in health month without sacrificing my students? Okay, I do sound like a drama queen. I guess settles it. Just to prove my whiny self wrong, I'm partaking in health month even if it kills me. If I don't follow through with health month, I won't hate myself or think I've failed...I'll simply do my best and I will only quit if it's for a damn good reason. Like, I go blind with headaches. Or I get really close to throttling a kid or telling off my school secretary (the latter of which takes incredible restraint as it is). Okay.
Wish me luck! Believe me, I'll keep you posted.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Oh Ten
It is officially day one of "Oh-10", as Josh's family friend Tom lovingly refers to it. We met some friends last night at a nearby place called "Luau", where they were rocking some 90's beats that were a total blast from the past: "Biggie Biggie Biggie, Can't you see....." is still running through my brain. It was a peer-filled crowd, which was nice. Since I'm almost middle-aged, I really couldn't have handled the wasted 21 year olds. I'm just not part of that mindset anymore. A few people were dancing on the bar and some of the girls on the dance floor were a little "friendly" with their dancing, but no one looked to be on the verge of puking. Josh and I drank so little, we felt absolutely no effects this morning. I love waking up and feeling fresh!
Some things I'm super excited about this year are my job, the fact that I just won a fellowship to study mammals in Nova Scotia in April, and the fact that I'll be going to NYC in the summer for a Writing Conference. Josh and I talked about making our Hawaii trip last summer an "annual trip", although the location can certainly change. I also just ordered a new sewing machine. I've never sewed with a machine before, but I've always wanted to. I just see so many great ideas out there and I am really anxious to try them out. Also, I have handsewn a good deal of things that could have taken a tenth of the time (at least!) if I had had a sewing machine. It will be nice to feel some more instant gratification!
As promised, I'm posting my resolutions for this year. I came across this blog post on Blue Cricket Design, where Shannon sometimes posts her craft ideas. Basically, Becca had received an email from one of her readers who had simply chosen a word to focus on for the year, rather than a list of unrememberable resolutions that are so difficult to keep in mind. The reader had chosen "Simplify", which I would imagine might apply to a multitude of aspects in her life: her schedule, the things in her home, the amount of pressure she puts on herself each day... I really liked this idea, so I chose to follow suit with my own words on which to focus. I decided upon "Follow Through" and "Consistency". I often start projects I don't finish. I get super excited about something and focus all of my energy on it, and then realize I am neglecting other things, so I don't finish it. I need to follow through on what I begin by also being consistent with the other things I'm doing. I need to consistently devote time just for me once a week (at least), as well as consistently devote time just for my family. I need to follow through with new efforts to better my life: organization, exercise, etc. I need to be consistent in doing these things in order to follow through. I think these two words will affect a great deal of things in my life, but remembering them will be easier than a list of specific resolutions. We'll see how things go!
Some things I'm super excited about this year are my job, the fact that I just won a fellowship to study mammals in Nova Scotia in April, and the fact that I'll be going to NYC in the summer for a Writing Conference. Josh and I talked about making our Hawaii trip last summer an "annual trip", although the location can certainly change. I also just ordered a new sewing machine. I've never sewed with a machine before, but I've always wanted to. I just see so many great ideas out there and I am really anxious to try them out. Also, I have handsewn a good deal of things that could have taken a tenth of the time (at least!) if I had had a sewing machine. It will be nice to feel some more instant gratification!
As promised, I'm posting my resolutions for this year. I came across this blog post on Blue Cricket Design, where Shannon sometimes posts her craft ideas. Basically, Becca had received an email from one of her readers who had simply chosen a word to focus on for the year, rather than a list of unrememberable resolutions that are so difficult to keep in mind. The reader had chosen "Simplify", which I would imagine might apply to a multitude of aspects in her life: her schedule, the things in her home, the amount of pressure she puts on herself each day... I really liked this idea, so I chose to follow suit with my own words on which to focus. I decided upon "Follow Through" and "Consistency". I often start projects I don't finish. I get super excited about something and focus all of my energy on it, and then realize I am neglecting other things, so I don't finish it. I need to follow through on what I begin by also being consistent with the other things I'm doing. I need to consistently devote time just for me once a week (at least), as well as consistently devote time just for my family. I need to follow through with new efforts to better my life: organization, exercise, etc. I need to be consistent in doing these things in order to follow through. I think these two words will affect a great deal of things in my life, but remembering them will be easier than a list of specific resolutions. We'll see how things go!
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