Every once in a while I go through this "phase" of feeling like I want to live somewhere where I know everyone and everyone knows me. -Like my student body of 500 college was, as opposed to how a commune is. I don't have a family that I've ever lived near or known very well, so I can say that most of my life I've felt pretty alone. As a kid, I went to a magnet school, which was a public school but one to which I and the majority of the kids were bussed from all over the city, and later a private school that was a similar make up of individuals. So I didn't live near my school friends and I didn't see my neighborhood friends at school. Looking back, there was a lot about my life that led to me being very independent and at times even self-isolating.
Living in a city, filled with people, you are very much independent, alone, and isolated, unless you have the opportunity or desire to immerse yourself in a culture of sorts: a church community, a sports team, an elementary school PTA, a band, an office of like-minded individuals, etc. In a city, you rarely know your neighbors and you are surrounded by individuals all with their own agendas, involved in their own things. I go to work every day with a group of like-minded individuals, but I don't know these individuals outside of work. Being a teacher, working with kids all day, it's difficult to have time to interact personally or socially with your colleagues. The job is so consuming, you are too focused to sway from your responsibilities during the day and you want to get as far as you can from the stress outside of your job. At least, that's what I've found. Outside of work, I have friends I've met through various circumstances who all have their own interests and live in different parts of the city. Getting together with them can take a bit of effort and a lot of schedule coordination. I wish it was easier than that. I wish I had friends in my building or on my block who I could simply invite over to join me in watching a movie or to go next door for a drink.
And then I wonder if I really want to live in the city any longer. Something I've done for 14 years, both in NYC and here, may not be the right fit for me any longer. Do I desire small town living? On the other hand, could I bear the simplicity of small town living? Have I lived in a city for so long that I might find it too great of a challenge being part of a smaller community where everybody knows not only your name, but everything about you?
Thoughts to ponder on a rainy day.
1 comment:
I feel the same way. I grew up in Garrett and knew everyone! I miss it sometimes but not enough to move back. I get little bits of that in FW though. We shop at the same grocery store that Mike worked at when he was in HS, so all of the ladies know him there and now know the girls and me too!
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