TEST

I am looking at my blog at work and the posts are not alligned with the top of my blog page. I have to scroll way down and look at the posts. Is this what you see as well? On my Mac at home, everything looks the way it's supposed to. Hmmmm....

Haiti Hatey

I am so saddened by the devastation caused in Haiti. We've started a fund in my classroom: Pennies for Haiti. My kids came up with it. Because they are awesome.

There has been a lot of talk on FB regarding Haiti. Josh posted something today in response to one of his "friends" in Indiana that made me excessively proud to be his girlfriend. The poster was bitching about Obama giving US Funds to Haiti for humanitarian aid. Josh said he was proud to be the citizen of a country that will come to the aid of those who suffer. Friends of this poster began posting that Josh was Anti-American and that he had drunk the "kool-aid" or "hater-aid". Besides having a knee-jerk reaction of wanting to curse at them, I'm so sad that people feel this way.

I have never been someone loyal only to my country, but rather loyal to humanity. Call me what you will, but I am devoted to making this world a better place by taking care of the individuals within it, no matter what race or creed or ethnicity. I am not religious and I'm irritated with religion for the fact that it influences people to judge others and discriminate. When someone says, "God wanted Haiti to suffer", I want to scream. How could anyone believe in a supreme being that punishes and kills? I just don't get it.

All of this is just a ramble of words that aren't well thought-out, but it's what comes from the core of my being in a jumble and it makes sense to me. I just needed to get it out.

No Ugly

GOOD NEWS: I have successfully completed nearly 8 full days without sugar, alcohol, white flour and white rice, and coffee. I think I don't even miss those things, but I am eating more I think to combat the cravings. That's not so swell. Maybe it will even out eventually. ?? I hope so. I can't fit into my pants.

BAD NEWS: My Principal has been moved to another school for next year. I am probably more devastated by this news than I should be, but I really think it's just the PTSD I have as a result of having HORRIBLE, HEINOUS individuals working as Principals in my previous schools. She announced it to us at 3:30 and I promptly began to cry crocodile tears as soon as I left the staff room. I am in panic mode about what will happen next year. Will I get another nightmare of a Principal? I am so afraid. I can't survive another year of that.

Sweet sauce

Well, kids, I've made it through three (that's 3) days of no sugar! I am beginning to realize it isn't the sugar as much as it's the baked goods I'm addicted to. I can barely go into the staff room without running right out again. Even though the holidays have ended, people are still bringing in cookies and chocolate and other dietkillers. I really like cookies and chocolate, by the way. But you know how many I've had? None. Zero! Nada. Yay for me. Let's keep it up. Jennifer, our school counselor, told me today when I was boasting about my 3 day success, that she has been sugar free for over 20 years. I just stared at her. A long time. That's craziness, I tell you. She said I'll be home free after 2 weeks. That's good to hear for the following 2 weeks and change, but I don't plan to lock sugar out of my life for good! Baked things are just too amazing. AMAZING. In fact, I never realized how amazing until now. Man, it's hard to kick the monkey off your back.

Tomorrow, my sewing machine is supposed to arrive. I can hardly stand the thought of having to go into work on Friday! I guess we know how I'll be spending my Saturday!

Resolution Reality, Part 1

I am beginning to feel the pressures of my New Year's Resolutions. Follow through is something that affects so many aspects of my life. For example, today is my first laundry day in the New Year. I wait until Sunday to do laundry for two reasons: I can, and it's cheaper. I can because I don't have kids that require boat loads of laundry to be done on a weekly basis and it's cheaper because Sundays and evenings are the times when the rates are less for power use. Did you know this? Years ago, I was reading the papers that come with our utility bills -the papers that you automatically recycle because you don't care about anything in the envelope except how much you owe. For some reason I actually read these papers on one particular day and in there they sent a bar graph representing the cost per kw (or something like that) of use. Sundays and evenings were the cheapest because businesses are not typically using power at that time. They recommended higher power sucker machines like dishwasher and laundry machines be used Sundays and evenings in order to have lower electricity bills. I latched on to that information and ever since, I've only used the dishwasher and laundry machines during those "low cost" times. Someone could prove me wrong today and I'm in such the habit of doing this I probably wouldn't change. So back to my point. What was my point? Oh yeah, laundry day is hard. So here I am dutifully doing laundry. The problem with doing all my laundry on one day is that it literally takes up the entire day. I do at minimum 4 loads (darks, lights, hots: towels and undies, and whites). That means I have to fold and hang and put away at minimum four loads. Man, that takes a lot of work. Now I know this won't be anything compared to if I do actually have kids. But right now it feels like a ton of work. In the past, we've ended up with loads of clean laundry just sitting in the hampers never getting put away for days. I can't do that any more if I'm going to focus on following through on things, you know? Hence this feeling of dread. Dishes, same thing. Josh ran the dishwasher last night, so of course now I need to follow through and put those clean dishes away rather than letting them sit in the washer while dirty dishes pile up in the sink. Ugh. The Christmas tree ornaments. We took down the Christmas tree yesterday and I put all of the ornaments into a bag for quick removal. Of course, now I need to follow through and put all the ornaments, stockings, decor, etc. into their rightful places in storage. I tell you, this follow through business is going to take a lot of getting used to (and a lot of complaining and whining of course).

My latest conundrum is that all of this sourness with follow through is making me hesitant to join "Health Month". Health month occurs every January. It requires eliminating everything "bad" for you in your diet like sugar, caffeine, dairy, white flour and rice, alcohol and nicotine, fried foods and fatty meats, and including exercise 3x per week. It starts tonight at midnight and ends 2/1 at midnight. I've always meant to do it. I mean, it's good for you! And truthfully, I already try hard to eliminate the white flour and white rice. (Save sushi. Man, I do love sushi.) The sugar would be the hardest thing. And the no red wine part. Red wine is my crutch. My job only feels possible with red wine. (Wait, did I say that? Maybe that means I have a problem. Oops.) And goat/sheep cheese is so GOOD. Tea with caffeine is actually allowed, which makes that part 100% manageable for me. I know Josh won't participate and that will naturally make it more difficult for me. Oh what to do. I know it's just one month. Anything is possible for one month, right? But will I get mean without sugar? Will I get grumpy or tired? Is that fair to my students? It sounds so LAME to say I can't do health month because of my job, but, honestly, I have a job where a positive emotional state is key to my ability to function. I can't shut my office door when I'm in a bad mood. I can't call in sick if I have a migraine. I can't hide behind my computer or reduce the amount of conversations I have with people or do less work on any given day. I know I'm not alone. I don't mean to say that being a teacher is the hardest job on the planet or the highest calling or anything of the sort. I only know what is required of me to do my job and what I can and can't modify based on my emotional state in order to perform it. I don't want to sound like a drama queen, but can I honestly partake in health month without sacrificing my students? Okay, I do sound like a drama queen. I guess settles it. Just to prove my whiny self wrong, I'm partaking in health month even if it kills me. If I don't follow through with health month, I won't hate myself or think I've failed...I'll simply do my best and I will only quit if it's for a damn good reason. Like, I go blind with headaches. Or I get really close to throttling a kid or telling off my school secretary (the latter of which takes incredible restraint as it is). Okay.

Wish me luck! Believe me, I'll keep you posted.

Oh Ten

It is officially day one of "Oh-10", as Josh's family friend Tom lovingly refers to it. We met some friends last night at a nearby place called "Luau", where they were rocking some 90's beats that were a total blast from the past: "Biggie Biggie Biggie, Can't you see....." is still running through my brain. It was a peer-filled crowd, which was nice. Since I'm almost middle-aged, I really couldn't have handled the wasted 21 year olds. I'm just not part of that mindset anymore. A few people were dancing on the bar and some of the girls on the dance floor were a little "friendly" with their dancing, but no one looked to be on the verge of puking. Josh and I drank so little, we felt absolutely no effects this morning. I love waking up and feeling fresh!

Some things I'm super excited about this year are my job, the fact that I just won a fellowship to study mammals in Nova Scotia in April, and the fact that I'll be going to NYC in the summer for a Writing Conference. Josh and I talked about making our Hawaii trip last summer an "annual trip", although the location can certainly change. I also just ordered a new sewing machine. I've never sewed with a machine before, but I've always wanted to. I just see so many great ideas out there and I am really anxious to try them out. Also, I have handsewn a good deal of things that could have taken a tenth of the time (at least!) if I had had a sewing machine. It will be nice to feel some more instant gratification!

As promised, I'm posting my resolutions for this year. I came across this blog post on Blue Cricket Design, where Shannon sometimes posts her craft ideas. Basically, Becca had received an email from one of her readers who had simply chosen a word to focus on for the year, rather than a list of unrememberable resolutions that are so difficult to keep in mind. The reader had chosen "Simplify", which I would imagine might apply to a multitude of aspects in her life: her schedule, the things in her home, the amount of pressure she puts on herself each day... I really liked this idea, so I chose to follow suit with my own words on which to focus. I decided upon "Follow Through" and "Consistency". I often start projects I don't finish. I get super excited about something and focus all of my energy on it, and then realize I am neglecting other things, so I don't finish it. I need to follow through on what I begin by also being consistent with the other things I'm doing. I need to consistently devote time just for me once a week (at least), as well as consistently devote time just for my family. I need to follow through with new efforts to better my life: organization, exercise, etc. I need to be consistent in doing these things in order to follow through. I think these two words will affect a great deal of things in my life, but remembering them will be easier than a list of specific resolutions. We'll see how things go!

Year in Review

It's the last day of 2009! I decided to post something to round out the year, even though I've been absent for over a month.

I haven't yet written my New Year's Resolutions, but I have a good idea what they'll be. When Josh comes home from work today, we're going to write ours down. I'll make sure to post them in the next few days. To honor the past year, however, I'm going to do an '09 recap, by month. It's good to reflect on things before making new goals, I think.

January
President Obama took office, making history as the first black president of the United States. This was a particulary momentous day in my memory because I was teaching at an almost all-black school and we hugely celebrated the meaning of this for this demographic and culture. I was especially happy for my babies (my class) because they were able to identify with the first leader of the country they will probably remember having.

February
I agreed to accompany my high school friend turned Seattle friend, Sharonne, to a cross country skiing race near Leavenworth. 3 other friends of hers decided to come along as well. In this one weekend, I made bonds with friends I will probably know for life. In fact, we celebrated each other multiple times this year and they were included in most of my memories. My initial decision to go for the race was a smart one! I also started taking Pilates again. This time, it was with the reformer. I took a class for 6 weeks, but I didn't like it. I was bummed because it was so close to my house.

March
I believe it was this month that I was displaced from my school. My Principal illegally removed me from my position for the following year so she wouldn't have to remove the male teacher, since they are harder to find. I was so relieved to get out of this school, though, that I agreed to sign the form. I'm sure the fact that she threatened to ruin my career helped...

April
In April, My parents visited us for a week. It was a great trip and we had a lot of fun. I don't think my mom had been here prior to that in over 8 years. I also interviewed for 5 new teaching positions in April. Applying for them was a lot of work and the interviews were crammed into three days after full days of work, which made for a crazy me. We also reconnected with Josh's family who live in the area on Easter. It was an important connection that has made us both happy. Additionally, I made a new virtual friend through this blog that turned out to be very closely connected to me in real life! As such, her friendship doesn't seem so much "virtual" and has been an important one to me.

May
In May, I was offered the position to teach at my current school. I was subsequently offered 3 more jobs. From the moment I accepted, they welcomed me with open arms. I have never regretted my choice to work there. I also went to Sasquatch, a music festival, with 2 of the women mentioned above. We camped overnight and had a blast. May was also an important month for Josh, as he was hired on by the Milton Fire Department and he also celebrated one full year of running his own business.

June
In June, we celebrated my birthday with a weekend trip to Hood River, Oregon and went whitewater rafting with all 4 of the girls above and one of their significant others. It was an amazing weekend of limo rides, jumping off bridges and bonfires. I also said goodbye at the end of June to kids I loved and cherished as well as a school I didn't.

July
July was a month of bleeding, pain, and exhaustion. At the start of the month, I was diagnosed with PCOS and put on an herbal regimen by my Naturopath. I bled every day, all day, for 6 weeks. It was 3 weeks in to the bleeding that I began to believe I didn't just have a popped cyst in my ovaries, as suspected. I saw a specialist who did a routine pregnancy test and discovered I'd been pregnant since before the bleeding began. Ultrasounds resulted in the acceptance that the pregnancy was doomed and I received Chemotherapy and visited the ER to force a miscarriage. It was to date the most horribly sad and trying experience of my life. Despite all of this going on, I still managed one primitive camping trip with friends and a weekend cabin getaway in the mountains with the crew including Josh. On this trip, I remember one day in particular that was filled with serious fun and boys body surfing the river. We also further reconnected with more of Josh's local family and met his newest second cousin, Madelyn. She is beautiful!

August
I was still recovering from my miscarriage and still bleeding as we prepared ourselves for a trip to Hawaii. The trip itself was magical and we talk about it every other week, at least. It is still an idea in the back of our heads that we could take a year off from our lives and live there while I teach and Josh.....cleans pools? We haven't figured his part out yet. Coming back from Hawaii, we resumed nutty schedules. Josh tried to make up for work he'd missed while I tried to ready an empty room for 30 5 year olds.

September
I officially started teaching at Green Lake. I bonded with a whole new batch of adorable kids and the job literally consumed every waking hour. I immediately connected with a new coworker and to this day feel like I couldn't be nearly as pleased with going to work each day if it wasn't for her! I think this was also the month that I joined a bowling league with 3 friends. Monday night bowling became a ritual. A very fun ritual that went on for 3 months. Last but not least, we took a hot air balloon ride over Woodinville! It was a great experience and we had perfect weather. I felt very lucky to have the chance to do this.

October
In October, there was more of the same from September. The only thing that stands out is that Josh got us kicked out of our house by telling the landlord she was a crazy psycho bitch. She really is, but it was not a great plan to tell her this. We were on the frantic hunt for a move within a two week period. Luckily, because she's crazy, she told us we didn't have to move out anymore. I still think it would be a good idea, but it's cheaper for us to stay and we really do like our house. This is still in progress... We also dressed up for Halloween. I was an alley cat and Josh was a heavy metal rocker. We partied in Ballard pubs with Nikki and Dan and some Portland peeps.

November
Josh went to Fort Wayne for a week in November. Then we had Thanksgiving dinner with friends at Danielle's. We took the rest of the long weekend off in Missoula, Montana where we hiked with Lulu and were generally just lazy and silly. It was one of the best trips we've ever taken.

December
In December, we went to a bad sweater party where Josh took second place. I also had a work happy hour celebration with coworkers. At the end of the month, we went to LA to see Josh's immediate family and celebrate Christmas with them. His brother made sure I had a horrible time, but the visit gave me a better understanding of Josh's past and how it might be for me to be related to his mom and brother one day. We decided any subsequent trips to LA will involve us renting a hotel room and car so we don't have to be dependent on his family. We also decided we would spend next Christmas with my family since we had spent the last 3 with his. Upon our return (as in the same day we got off the plane!) we celebrated another Christmas with Josh's local family with whom we reconnected on Easter and saw again in July. I met two more second cousins, one who is 4 and one who is 7. As suspected, we became fast friends. I am even sporting the resulting pink and purple patterned manicure from that night as I type. In December, I was also awarded a fellowship to join scientists on an expedition studying mammals in Nova Scotia in April!!* To ring in 2010, Josh and I plan to hang out with friends at Luau in Tangletown, but that is yet to come.

There were other things that happened this year--other outings, friend experiences, events, etc....but those that I listed are the things I thought of first. I admit I had to go through my archives as well as photos on flickr to match up the correct months with a lot of them! Now that I've recorded them, I'll reread them and reflect on how they've changed me and what I'd like to recreate or build upon in 2010. Happy New Year!!!

* more details to come