On Defense

Someone I casually knew in High School friended me recently on Facebook. I don't typically reject friend requests unless it is someone I don't know or someone I knew and didn't want to be reacquainted with for one reason or another. Yesterday, she posted a status in which she said she was sad that her son was well-covered under three health insurance plans and other children have to go without any insurance whatsoever. I am also frustrated and angered by the state of our health system in this country. However, from my knowledge and experience (which is admittedly not as great as it could be), I see humans who are not covered by any sort of health plan and falling into a low income bracket to be at a greater advantage to health services than those that are covered within a "middle class" income bracket. This is not to say that I would ever wish lack of coverage upon anyone because I spent many of my own years in that group and was constantly concerned about my well-being. But, again, from my base of knowledge, our health care system is designed for those in destitution as well as those with an ample amount of money. The producers of the movie "Sicko" highlight this idea in detail. Those who are SOL are the ones that make up the greater amount of our society: middle class working individuals and their families.

I posted a response to the status that I saw yesterday, stating my understanding that children without insurance are still served by our system. Is my view an ignorant one? Her mother seemed it was necessary to tell me I was. She made assumptions about my economic status by stating I must rest my head upon satin pillows at night. Needless to say, I was offended. I messaged the hs acquaintance to let her know I was disappointed and insulted and defended my statement from earlier. She emailed me back a lengthy email in which she restated that I was ignorant and went on to state that I was only thinking of my own experience in California. Um..... I don't live in California. That's beside the point, I realize, and I only add that bit to display what I feel is irony in her message. The real issue is that she continued to insult me, then confusingly ended her message with, "I hope we can all be friends". So I defriended her. Perhaps it was immature of me, but Facebook is not a forum in which I choose to debate politics and I was wrong to bite the carrot that dangled before me. I also cannot allow people who think it is appropriate to verbally attack me to be privvy to my private life or my daily doings.

I can't help but let it bug me, though. I always feel that I must have done something wrong and that an attack on my person is something I've invited upon myself. I wish I didn't feel this way, and it's something I definitely need to work on. I don't ever feel confident in my knowledge of a particular topic to debate it out of fear of being attacked. I hate that I show weakness even when I feel I am intelligent enough to add value to a discussion. I know I need to be more educated in politics. I know I need to know all of the facts in order to build my confidence level. I felt I had the knowledge to contribute in the way I did because I have seen firsthand what is done in terms of healthcare for my homeless and foster students. I have been glad to see them well taken care of on that front and feel that I stated factual information, based on my experience and the knowledge I have of our nation's healthcare system. I don't want to feel like "I should have kept it to myself", but I do. There is great importance to openly disagreeing with things you feel are incorrect ways of thinking. You just have to be able to stick out the potential for disappointment and feelings of judgment and that is where I lack.

In other words, I'm playing hooky today and not attending the Institute I've agreed to attend for the week. It has nothing to do with the above situation. I am just feeling burned out by it already. It is designed for Special Ed and General Ed teachers to co-teach in the classroom. The Special Ed teacher from my school was unable to attend this week, so I feel like there is an element of pointlessness in my attending the Institute alone. I have made friends with the Special Ed teachers at a nearby school, but of course that won't help me implement this new teaching model in my own school. Without the Special Ed teacher (not to mention the 2 other gen ed teachers who were supposed to attend), there isn't much point to collaborating. I can't collaborate alone. So I'm thinking of waiting an hour and going to school to do some things in the classroom. If I should run into my Principal there, she'll assume I was at the morning session and I am just at school on the lunch break portion of the conference. I hope.