ear rit tay shun

Irresponsible people
Bills
Last minute changes
Fair weathered friends
Inconsiderate people
12-hour work days

These things are bothering me to a LARGE degree right now and I just want to be able to brush it off....but dammit if being exhausted doesn't make that even harder!!!

I am just overworked and overtired. Kindergarten Open House today. First day of school next Wednesday. I still have to work full time (overtime) right now, but kids don't arrive til 9/9. I do like my kids a lot. They are all white, or close enough, but that is the only "problem" I can foresee. Only one of them won't talk to me. And only 6 of them haven't met me yet. Out of 28, that's pretty good. I hope a couple of those 6 no-shows end up withdrawing. I gained 2 and lost one today, leaving me with a whopping 28. I know things are still not even set in stone. By the first day, I could have many more changes. It always wows me when people don't prepare for this year. Last year I got new students well into the second week of school. It's such a huge deal that your child is starting school! I mean, isn't it?? For me it would be!

Josh and I are scheduled to go camping this weekend with Nikki and Dan. Sharonne and Vicky were supposed to go too, but they totally flaked. It makes me feel weird how it happened. They both canceled at the same time with the same lame excuse: the drive is too long for such a short stay. It doesn't make sense to me, because neither of them was going to drive--they were getting rides from me and Nikki--and we are scheduled to camp for 3 nights. That isn't a long stay? Were they expecting a week camping trip?? I don't understand that. I don't understand it when friends "team up" either. They aren't a couple. They don't live together. So why the same cancellation excuse and why cancel together? And both of them texted it and said, "Don't be mad at us." Obviously they think I should be mad at them or why would they have said that? I feel very weird towards them now. I know it's "my issue", but I just wish I felt differently. Hard not to "blame" them for my feeling this way.

I know all of this will feel better once I get some good sleep. I'm going to sleep in tomorrow, go in to school briefly, then leave for my camping trip. I plan to have a great weekend. I hope Josh helps make that dream come true!

Arctic Dreams

My post yesterday was due to my uncontrollable crying. It's cryptic, but it really was just verbatim what was going on in my brain. I can't push past the depression, the guilt, and the loss of self-esteem that has haunted me since the chemo. Even going to Angela's birthday dinner last night wasn't any help. I faked it, but I'm pretty sure it was only because I was able to drown my sorrow in a bottomless glass of wine.

Today is so hot, I feel withered. I woke up tired and in a fog, and I have really needed a nap since. I haven't accomplished much in this heat. Tomorrow we are scheduled for a record-breaking 103 degrees. Josh has canceled his work for tomorrow and we plan to all 3 go to the beach and soak in the water all day. There's nothing else that can be accomplished in this weather. Having a house outfitted with a/c is rare around here, considering we live in a temperate zone. Thus, we just lie like slugs in the living room with fans blowing on us and spritzer bottles filled with water that we use to mist ourselves every now and again. How pathetic.

I am trying to drink water constantly, but it still never feels like enough.

Since I'm not moving, I suppose I'll begin work on redoing Josh's website. Then, in a bit, we'll go to the movies for real relief. Hurray!