I broke up with my therapist on Sunday and she will NOT leave me alone. It's really upsetting me. I haven't seen her for very long and I had a feeling within the first 2 sessions that she wasn't a perfect match. Still, I held on for a couple of more sessions to really make sure. Sometimes you just don't click or feel like therapy is productive with someone, and that's just the way it is. My therapist should understand that since I'm surely not the first person who has felt the need to part ways with her. From what I know, it's common. She's a nice person, about my mom's age, and very kind. BUT, she has a 48 hour cancellation policy that I have already had to "violate" and it really made me feel anxious when I had to cancel with only 24 hour's notice. Insurance won't cover a session you miss, so it's $150 to cancel in less that 48 hours. On top of it, she made me feel guilty for it. She said, "Well, you know I really should hold you to the policy, but your reason is a pretty important one so I will work with you." (I had an interview that was arranged last minute with no ability on my part to be flexible.) Last session, she seemed preoccupied when I met with her and she even ended the session without saying anything to me. She just packed up her bag like she was in a rush to get somewhere and stood by the door saying, "Well, I'll see you next week!" I awkwardly got up and left. That, and the fact that I realized I didn't feel comfortable telling her everything that was on my mind during the session, solidified that I needed to part ways. So I called her on Sunday and left a message saying I wanted to suspend therapy and thought that was that. She called me on Monday and left a vm saying she wanted to talk about why and asked if I would still come in on Tuesday and talk with her about it. I called back and left a message citing the extreme cancellation policy as my reason and told her I couldn't come in that day (which was true). She said she would be flexible about the policy and wants to see if she can further work with me. Wednesday she calls me again asking if I will call her and/or come in next Tuesday to have a closing therapy session. UGH! I just want her to accept my first request! This feels like pestering to me and is just making me feel so incredibly guilty. I have a hard time breaking up with people, obviously. I am now stuck feeling like I need to just leave her a blunt voicemail to say I don't think we click and hope she leaves me alone. I hate to make anyone feel badly, but for crying out loud this person is supposed to be understanding! I really think she should have just said, "Well, I understand your feelings about the cancellation policy. I am willing to change that for you, so if that would help please let me know. Otherwise, I wish you well." Would it be irresponsible on her part or unhealthy to say that? Because that's what I want.
I already called a new therapist, though with this experience I'm feeling like I don't even want to get involved with anyone anymore. Angela sees someone that she said is really very good and a total straight shooter. I want a straight shooter. I don't think my current/ex-therapist is enough of a straight shooter. In other words, I don't necessarily feel like things are resolved after talking to her. What a stresser this all is. Clearly not the results I wanted to achieve from therapy. I think I'll wait til this drama is over before I commit to someone new. I need a break from therapist relationships!
In other news, 16 days left of school! Finally, freedom is within my reach! I have Monday off, too, in order to meet with the teachers and principal at my new school. I am excited to be there and be able to look forward with anticipation!
Last weekend was amazingly fun. I had such a great time with Vicky and Angela. None of the reservations I had before came true. Sasquatch was awesome and I can't wait for next year! I'm trying to figure out what exactly to do for my birthday weekend next month and can't seem to tie anything down. What I really want to do (houseboat on the Columbia or staying at Cave B) is just not in the monetary cards right now. Plus, scheduling something like that with people is a pain in the ass and just not something I'm prepared to do with everything else going on. Keeping up with my life is really hard these days. I need more sleep, less obligations, and a cleaning lady.
This weekend: Seeing Mark's band at Hell's Kitchen with Katherine, donating blood, Acupuncture, watching my little Kindergartner, Raven, perform at her dance concert, and seeing Monique in the championship Roller Derby bout. Right now: grilling tuna and corn with Josh. Good stuff.
No comments:
Post a Comment