I really don't understand this. Just before we left for Hawaii, I was confirmed un-pregnant and given estrogen pills by my doctor for the next 3 months. She said I was at risk of cervical cancer due to my PCOS and these pills would help prevent that from happening. Additionally, she said I would not be getting my period while on them. After bleeding for 6 weeks straight, that was music to my ears! Well, guess what? I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding heavily. And it hurts! Damn Damn Damn. I am so upset about this! I basically go back to work full time again starting Monday and I just can't fathom dealing with any more health issues on top of that. I am so sad again. I just want to be okay. Why am I not okay??? All of these things are rushing through my mind: Is this something I should be alarmed about? Am I going to have to have a hysterectomy? Am I never going to be able to have a baby? And then it just hit me that I'm old. I mean, I'm really OLD. Maybe not in the grand scheme of things, but in the baby-making, get your life straightened out, figure out what you want in life sense I certainly am. Yes, biological-clock speaking, I am old. I never would have predicted I would be living as flittingly, free-willingly as I do now at this age. I could just smack myself thinking how un-seriously I'm taking my life at this age. I'm supposed to be tied down, dammit! Okay, now I'm laughing at myself. God, I really am a mess.
I had a dream last night about my high school best friend, a male, whom I haven't seen since '97 maybe. He and I messed around in high school, but we were steadfast friends and that's what made our relationship so strong. Well, last night I had a sex dream about him. I've never done that before and it was really intense. In the photos I've seen of him on Facebook, he looks entirely different now and of course I dreamt him as he looked back then. I remember feeling like I'd been waiting for this forever. I was filled with anticipation. Then, when I woke up in the dream, I realized I didn't remember any of it. He was still there with me in bed, but I guess we'd been drinking too much the night before so I couldn't remember how it was. I was so disappointed! When I awoke in real life, Josh was cuddling me close and playing with my hair. I felt so guilty but I also felt like I didn't want him to be touching me. I wanted to go back to my dream. Hm. I don't know what it all means, but I did send my friend an email. It was one sentence. It said, I had an emotion-filled dream about you last night. I made the subject "angelfish" because in my dream he had an angelfish tattoo on his back. Which is funny. The last time we were in LA, I almost met up with him and I was curious if there would be anything "there" when I saw him. I was nervous about the meetup and certainly knew I would need to see him alone. Well, he ended up never calling me to make the actual date, so I never did see him. We never talked about it, though we have Facebook messaged since then. I suppose I was concerned we might have been thinking the same thing and I felt dishonest towards Josh about it. When I awoke from my dream, however, I crazily thought I ought to make sure I see him, and soon, to make sure I'm not "supposed" to be with him. I have since woken up more and think it's ludicrous, but I guess if I'm writing about all of this I do still have an inkling of curiosity in the back of my mind. This too shall pass, I'm sure.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Room 5
We finally finished assessing and this is my new class line up for this year:
Aaliyah
Alex
Amelia
Augustus
Caroline
Cheyenne
Dylan
Enzo
Gwen
Hailey
Isabel
Jackson
Johann
Josie (Josephine)
Layne
Lincoln
Lucas
Madeline
Mac (McAlister)
Marcus
Milo
Nelson
Saoirse (pronounced Sir-sha)
Seamus (pronounced Shay-mis)
Sophia
Sophie
Syth (pronounced Scythe)
Zak (Zakry)
Zoe
I started out with a Madeline and a Madelyn as well as 2 Josephines and 2 Jacks, but I traded so I could have a different name for each child. I always shared my name with another or 2 or 3. I really hated it. I want each of my kids to feel unique!
I can't believe how many kids I have. Too many. I don't even have enough desks. Our school will have 90 Kindergartners this year. That's nuts. Truly.
I am almost done with my room! Pictures coming soon.....
Aaliyah
Alex
Amelia
Augustus
Caroline
Cheyenne
Dylan
Enzo
Gwen
Hailey
Isabel
Jackson
Johann
Josie (Josephine)
Layne
Lincoln
Lucas
Madeline
Mac (McAlister)
Marcus
Milo
Nelson
Saoirse (pronounced Sir-sha)
Seamus (pronounced Shay-mis)
Sophia
Sophie
Syth (pronounced Scythe)
Zak (Zakry)
Zoe
I started out with a Madeline and a Madelyn as well as 2 Josephines and 2 Jacks, but I traded so I could have a different name for each child. I always shared my name with another or 2 or 3. I really hated it. I want each of my kids to feel unique!
I can't believe how many kids I have. Too many. I don't even have enough desks. Our school will have 90 Kindergartners this year. That's nuts. Truly.
I am almost done with my room! Pictures coming soon.....
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Progress
I went into school today for the miniscule amount of time between the end of the seminar and the time they closed up the building, and I think I accomplished a lot. There is still LOADS to do, but I actually was able to get it looking like a functional classroom. The desks are in order, at least. Also, my rockstar boyfriend went to Home Depot and got me an 8'x4' piece of showerboard to serve as a whiteboard and delivered it to my room. I had to deal with chalk for the last 3 years and I was finally able to get a "whiteboard" so I don't have to go nuts over the incredible amount of dust that accumulates, the itchy hands, and breaking pieces of chalk as I am writing. I have wanted a dry erase board for years, but have never been lucky enough to land a classroom with one pre-installed. I researched online and it turns out shower board works. The board, 3 clamps to hold it up, and Kaboom cleaner (the recommended cleaner) ran less than $20. An actual white board, measuring 2 feet less in width, retails for $250. The only drawback is that the marker doesn't come off as well. By November, I might have fallen out of love with it because of the "ghosting" issue, but I'm hopeful this advanced cleaner he picked up will help with that effect. I won't be able to get in to my classroom again til Monday, as the school will open and close during the last day of my seminar tomorrow. I'll be there bright and early Monday morning, though, to get jumpstarted before the first Kindergartner arrives to be pre-assessed for the new year! It will be a cute day. A 5-year old meeting you for the first time as their new teacher is pretty darn priceless.
I think I found a bike for myself! I wanted a cruiser with at least 7 speeds and fenders for less than $100. I managed to do all of that, I think, except for the price. found a vintage one for $40, but it's on Whidbey Island so it requires me to pay for a ferry ticket both ways and it's been in storage for 15 years so it will need a $50-$60 tuneup, and it will need to be repainted. The paint is supposed to be in good condition, but I don't want a brown bike. I'm not sure if I'll paint it silver or hot pink, but Josh has agreed to help me. Anyway, all the updates and pick up costs are going to drive me over my $100 goal, but I don't think I can find anything cheaper. $40 is pretty darn good. I haven't found anything less than $150 that meets my criteria. The only thing I need to determine is whether or not the bike is the right size for me. I forgot to ask when I called to claim it, so I am waiting for him to return my voicemail and confirm. Just in case, here's the bike as it is now. In other words, these are the BEFORE pictures:
I think I found a bike for myself! I wanted a cruiser with at least 7 speeds and fenders for less than $100. I managed to do all of that, I think, except for the price. found a vintage one for $40, but it's on Whidbey Island so it requires me to pay for a ferry ticket both ways and it's been in storage for 15 years so it will need a $50-$60 tuneup, and it will need to be repainted. The paint is supposed to be in good condition, but I don't want a brown bike. I'm not sure if I'll paint it silver or hot pink, but Josh has agreed to help me. Anyway, all the updates and pick up costs are going to drive me over my $100 goal, but I don't think I can find anything cheaper. $40 is pretty darn good. I haven't found anything less than $150 that meets my criteria. The only thing I need to determine is whether or not the bike is the right size for me. I forgot to ask when I called to claim it, so I am waiting for him to return my voicemail and confirm. Just in case, here's the bike as it is now. In other words, these are the BEFORE pictures:
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
On Defense
Someone I casually knew in High School friended me recently on Facebook. I don't typically reject friend requests unless it is someone I don't know or someone I knew and didn't want to be reacquainted with for one reason or another. Yesterday, she posted a status in which she said she was sad that her son was well-covered under three health insurance plans and other children have to go without any insurance whatsoever. I am also frustrated and angered by the state of our health system in this country. However, from my knowledge and experience (which is admittedly not as great as it could be), I see humans who are not covered by any sort of health plan and falling into a low income bracket to be at a greater advantage to health services than those that are covered within a "middle class" income bracket. This is not to say that I would ever wish lack of coverage upon anyone because I spent many of my own years in that group and was constantly concerned about my well-being. But, again, from my base of knowledge, our health care system is designed for those in destitution as well as those with an ample amount of money. The producers of the movie "Sicko" highlight this idea in detail. Those who are SOL are the ones that make up the greater amount of our society: middle class working individuals and their families.
I posted a response to the status that I saw yesterday, stating my understanding that children without insurance are still served by our system. Is my view an ignorant one? Her mother seemed it was necessary to tell me I was. She made assumptions about my economic status by stating I must rest my head upon satin pillows at night. Needless to say, I was offended. I messaged the hs acquaintance to let her know I was disappointed and insulted and defended my statement from earlier. She emailed me back a lengthy email in which she restated that I was ignorant and went on to state that I was only thinking of my own experience in California. Um..... I don't live in California. That's beside the point, I realize, and I only add that bit to display what I feel is irony in her message. The real issue is that she continued to insult me, then confusingly ended her message with, "I hope we can all be friends". So I defriended her. Perhaps it was immature of me, but Facebook is not a forum in which I choose to debate politics and I was wrong to bite the carrot that dangled before me. I also cannot allow people who think it is appropriate to verbally attack me to be privvy to my private life or my daily doings.
I can't help but let it bug me, though. I always feel that I must have done something wrong and that an attack on my person is something I've invited upon myself. I wish I didn't feel this way, and it's something I definitely need to work on. I don't ever feel confident in my knowledge of a particular topic to debate it out of fear of being attacked. I hate that I show weakness even when I feel I am intelligent enough to add value to a discussion. I know I need to be more educated in politics. I know I need to know all of the facts in order to build my confidence level. I felt I had the knowledge to contribute in the way I did because I have seen firsthand what is done in terms of healthcare for my homeless and foster students. I have been glad to see them well taken care of on that front and feel that I stated factual information, based on my experience and the knowledge I have of our nation's healthcare system. I don't want to feel like "I should have kept it to myself", but I do. There is great importance to openly disagreeing with things you feel are incorrect ways of thinking. You just have to be able to stick out the potential for disappointment and feelings of judgment and that is where I lack.
In other words, I'm playing hooky today and not attending the Institute I've agreed to attend for the week. It has nothing to do with the above situation. I am just feeling burned out by it already. It is designed for Special Ed and General Ed teachers to co-teach in the classroom. The Special Ed teacher from my school was unable to attend this week, so I feel like there is an element of pointlessness in my attending the Institute alone. I have made friends with the Special Ed teachers at a nearby school, but of course that won't help me implement this new teaching model in my own school. Without the Special Ed teacher (not to mention the 2 other gen ed teachers who were supposed to attend), there isn't much point to collaborating. I can't collaborate alone. So I'm thinking of waiting an hour and going to school to do some things in the classroom. If I should run into my Principal there, she'll assume I was at the morning session and I am just at school on the lunch break portion of the conference. I hope.
I posted a response to the status that I saw yesterday, stating my understanding that children without insurance are still served by our system. Is my view an ignorant one? Her mother seemed it was necessary to tell me I was. She made assumptions about my economic status by stating I must rest my head upon satin pillows at night. Needless to say, I was offended. I messaged the hs acquaintance to let her know I was disappointed and insulted and defended my statement from earlier. She emailed me back a lengthy email in which she restated that I was ignorant and went on to state that I was only thinking of my own experience in California. Um..... I don't live in California. That's beside the point, I realize, and I only add that bit to display what I feel is irony in her message. The real issue is that she continued to insult me, then confusingly ended her message with, "I hope we can all be friends". So I defriended her. Perhaps it was immature of me, but Facebook is not a forum in which I choose to debate politics and I was wrong to bite the carrot that dangled before me. I also cannot allow people who think it is appropriate to verbally attack me to be privvy to my private life or my daily doings.
I can't help but let it bug me, though. I always feel that I must have done something wrong and that an attack on my person is something I've invited upon myself. I wish I didn't feel this way, and it's something I definitely need to work on. I don't ever feel confident in my knowledge of a particular topic to debate it out of fear of being attacked. I hate that I show weakness even when I feel I am intelligent enough to add value to a discussion. I know I need to be more educated in politics. I know I need to know all of the facts in order to build my confidence level. I felt I had the knowledge to contribute in the way I did because I have seen firsthand what is done in terms of healthcare for my homeless and foster students. I have been glad to see them well taken care of on that front and feel that I stated factual information, based on my experience and the knowledge I have of our nation's healthcare system. I don't want to feel like "I should have kept it to myself", but I do. There is great importance to openly disagreeing with things you feel are incorrect ways of thinking. You just have to be able to stick out the potential for disappointment and feelings of judgment and that is where I lack.
In other words, I'm playing hooky today and not attending the Institute I've agreed to attend for the week. It has nothing to do with the above situation. I am just feeling burned out by it already. It is designed for Special Ed and General Ed teachers to co-teach in the classroom. The Special Ed teacher from my school was unable to attend this week, so I feel like there is an element of pointlessness in my attending the Institute alone. I have made friends with the Special Ed teachers at a nearby school, but of course that won't help me implement this new teaching model in my own school. Without the Special Ed teacher (not to mention the 2 other gen ed teachers who were supposed to attend), there isn't much point to collaborating. I can't collaborate alone. So I'm thinking of waiting an hour and going to school to do some things in the classroom. If I should run into my Principal there, she'll assume I was at the morning session and I am just at school on the lunch break portion of the conference. I hope.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Gimme Gimme Gimme
Hawaii was, simply put, amazing. I had such a wonderful time basking in the warmth of the magical air. I am really lucky to have been able to go and enjoy myself as I did. Needless to say, Josh and I did not want to come back. I am especially bummed by the reality of having to dive into work early Monday morning. At least it wasn't raining when we returned! So far, the weather has been pretty kind with promises of reaching the 90's again next week.
We got in just after midnight last night and got to bed around 3 am. Josh had to rise not much after that in order to drive down to Portland for a window cleaning conference. I spoke to him on the phone a bit ago and he was really jazzed about having met a lot of the guys in the industry he talks to nation-wide online. It was like one big blind date! I am happy he feels re-energized and motivated about work. Maybe my conference next week will do the same for me??? I can only hope. As of now, I want to run away to Hawaii and hide at the beach with the sea turtles for the next year or 2.
My amazing friend Nikki, founder of the autism awareness organization, Knowledge For People, is a never ending source of fun and good ideas. Today, she called and offered me invites for things upcoming: A burlesque show put on by Rat City Roller Girls, a Labor Day camping excursion, and the opportunity to put together an all-girls' bowling league where we can showcase our ineptitude with the sport! I said yes to all 3. I also organized another trivia night at Prost! on Monday with some of my nearest and dearest. I am definitely trying my darndest to enjoy life on the mainland!
Ah, Hawaii, I miss you.
We are dogsitting Bella this weekend while Todd is up on Vancouver Island with his old flame. It's only fair in exchange for his sitting Lulu while we were gone, but I am wanting to be very selfish and not have to worry about being a good dog mommy right now. I just want to wallow in the mounds of household duties I need to attend to. Laundry and paper organization top the list. Both are taunting me and I keep staring at them, wishing I could make them disappear just by thinking it hard enough.
I spent the better part of the day scouring ads for free things for my classroom. Since it's a new classroom, I don't have any supplies coming with it. I need a play kitchen, a lego set, wooden puzzles, and wooden building blocks. I found a wooden kitchen that isn't really what I want, but it's only $50 and it retails for almost $200. I posted an ad asking for free or low-priced items to cover the rest of the wishlist. I don't know how successful I'll be, but I'm definitely not looking forward to spending tons of my own money to furnish the room. My new school has a pretty wealthy population, but that doesn't increase the funding to our school. I might just have to wait until school starts to ask for tangible donations. I hate to do that, though. I always like having everything ready from the getgo!
I also want to get a bike for myself since my school is so close and it seems silly to drive to work every day. I imagine I'll be driving most days, even with one, but I'd like to have the option. I emailed someone about a purple cruiser they had listed, but I was too late. :( There are other options available, but I really do want a cruiser. It would have to have gears for our insane hills, but I love the way they look and the seats and handlebars are more comfy than a road or mtn bike. I'll just have to keep looking...
We got in just after midnight last night and got to bed around 3 am. Josh had to rise not much after that in order to drive down to Portland for a window cleaning conference. I spoke to him on the phone a bit ago and he was really jazzed about having met a lot of the guys in the industry he talks to nation-wide online. It was like one big blind date! I am happy he feels re-energized and motivated about work. Maybe my conference next week will do the same for me??? I can only hope. As of now, I want to run away to Hawaii and hide at the beach with the sea turtles for the next year or 2.
My amazing friend Nikki, founder of the autism awareness organization, Knowledge For People, is a never ending source of fun and good ideas. Today, she called and offered me invites for things upcoming: A burlesque show put on by Rat City Roller Girls, a Labor Day camping excursion, and the opportunity to put together an all-girls' bowling league where we can showcase our ineptitude with the sport! I said yes to all 3. I also organized another trivia night at Prost! on Monday with some of my nearest and dearest. I am definitely trying my darndest to enjoy life on the mainland!
Ah, Hawaii, I miss you.
We are dogsitting Bella this weekend while Todd is up on Vancouver Island with his old flame. It's only fair in exchange for his sitting Lulu while we were gone, but I am wanting to be very selfish and not have to worry about being a good dog mommy right now. I just want to wallow in the mounds of household duties I need to attend to. Laundry and paper organization top the list. Both are taunting me and I keep staring at them, wishing I could make them disappear just by thinking it hard enough.
I spent the better part of the day scouring ads for free things for my classroom. Since it's a new classroom, I don't have any supplies coming with it. I need a play kitchen, a lego set, wooden puzzles, and wooden building blocks. I found a wooden kitchen that isn't really what I want, but it's only $50 and it retails for almost $200. I posted an ad asking for free or low-priced items to cover the rest of the wishlist. I don't know how successful I'll be, but I'm definitely not looking forward to spending tons of my own money to furnish the room. My new school has a pretty wealthy population, but that doesn't increase the funding to our school. I might just have to wait until school starts to ask for tangible donations. I hate to do that, though. I always like having everything ready from the getgo!
I also want to get a bike for myself since my school is so close and it seems silly to drive to work every day. I imagine I'll be driving most days, even with one, but I'd like to have the option. I emailed someone about a purple cruiser they had listed, but I was too late. :( There are other options available, but I really do want a cruiser. It would have to have gears for our insane hills, but I love the way they look and the seats and handlebars are more comfy than a road or mtn bike. I'll just have to keep looking...
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Weekend To-Do
Saturday:
Start Laundry
Go to South Target to make returns, get card for Maura
Get Maura's Bridal Shower gift
Stop by Macy's, Torr and Old Navy
Wrap gift
Finish Laundry
Pack
Pack Lulu's overnight bag
Print out Lulu's info
Drop gift off at Colleen's
Pick up Heidi
Pick up Sharonne
Go to Nikki's party
Drink Beer and beat people at ping pong
Take Sharonne and Heidi home
Go to bed
Sunday:
Give Lulu kisses
Go to airport
Check-in
Go through Security Check
Board Plane
Land in Hawaii
Get bags
Get Rental Car
Drive to Kailua
Change into Bathing Suit
Jump in Ocean
Breathe, Smile, and Appreciate Life
Recycle all to-do lists for the next 5 days
Start Laundry
Go to South Target to make returns, get card for Maura
Get Maura's Bridal Shower gift
Stop by Macy's, Torr and Old Navy
Wrap gift
Finish Laundry
Pack
Pack Lulu's overnight bag
Print out Lulu's info
Drop gift off at Colleen's
Pick up Heidi
Pick up Sharonne
Go to Nikki's party
Drink Beer and beat people at ping pong
Take Sharonne and Heidi home
Go to bed
Sunday:
Give Lulu kisses
Go to airport
Check-in
Go through Security Check
Board Plane
Land in Hawaii
Get bags
Get Rental Car
Drive to Kailua
Change into Bathing Suit
Jump in Ocean
Breathe, Smile, and Appreciate Life
Recycle all to-do lists for the next 5 days
Friday, August 7, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)