Valentine's Day started out with a smile. Josh woke me with a sweet card and a bouquet of tulips (and a kiss) before he had to leave to do some work in Redmond.
When he arrived home, we took Lulu to the dog park, stopped at Mighty-O for my 2nd annual gift of donuts and a Mighty-O accessory (last year a tee shirt, this year a canteen mug), then went to Matt's in the Market for the most delicious lunch ever. I'd like to add that latter event to the list of Valentine's traditions henceforth. I had a blood orange mimosa and a seared ahi sandwich that almost brought a tear to the eye and Josh's lamb burger was his favorite meal in a long time. Can't say enough about the food there. Post-lunch, it was a beautiful day to meander through the Market, the buzz of people buying flowers and the music of street performers making me feel happy to be alive.
We followed up our Market visit with some downtown shopping, picking up some great things for Josh and one cute top for me. When we were leaving H&M, I mentioned that I was bummed I realized we couldn't take a much needed getaway this week, as my funds are low due to the lull of the business. It was then that Josh came clean with the real state of finances with the business. He admitted that he won't be able to pay rent again next month (3rd month in a row), nor will he be able to pay me for insurance this month....or next. The reality that I've been supporting us and will continue to do so on my salary for the unforseeable future sank in. I didn't want to admit it out loud, but I honestly felt so taken advantage of. I never knew I was supporting us. I just thought he was leaning on me very, very temporarily. I know it wasn't his intention to do that. I tell him what's mine is his and know I've been in a position more than once before where I've thought of what was his as mine. Problem is, he doesn't actually know what's mine--he assumed what I make is enough to cover "us" and not stress me out. It isn't. In fact, since I was unaware that what he's "borrowed" from me thus far isn't slated for pay back for some time, I've realized I'm going to have to resort to borrowing money just to make ends meet this month. Never mind that I won't have a dime to spend on my break next week. Or the fact that I won't be able to take the pilates class I have so wanted to start in 2 weeks. I'm screwed. And it isn't going to get better anytime soon.
I know why all this happened. I know exactly why. It was irresponsibility on Josh's part. BUT, I feel so angry. Most days that I've been going to work and working long and hard, he's sat at home. Sometimes he's done dishes or vacuumed. But other times he's watched tv or played on the computer. He says he's looked on Craigslist for jobs and not found anything he's qualified for. Well, I bet if he was living alone on his non-existent income he would have found something!!! Ach. I'm just frustrated and tired. I am asking him to write down all the debt he owes right now so we can go over it and determine whether he can afford to keep running this business. He has several things lined up for work next month, but what do we do til that money comes in? And when it comes in, who's it going to? Not me. I know that much. Poo. Happy Valentine's Day to me. :(
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