like sands in the hourglass

To follow up on all of the drama I posted re: Josh and my relationship, in short, we are staying together. We are moving to a new place at the end of this month, together, and all in all ... I hope I don't regret it. I love him. I want it to work. But I have difficulty trusting that he's, as my friend Buster would say, "in it to win it". In terms of moving, I am really bummed about it. I know our landlord is annoying, but we live in a nice house in an absolutely perfect location. Josh has been pushing to move for a year now. I finally gave in because I can't afford this place by myself so if he's unhappy here the only option is that we both go elsewhere. Browsing Craigslist is such a chore and there are few places that I like that also would welcome Lulu. Naturally, there is nothing available in our neighborhood that we can afford. We pay a really good price for what we get. Secretly, I want to tell our landlord we were kidding and we're not moving. But I know it's for the best. If Josh is uncomfortable with her, I owe it to him to try something new.

We heard that Gabe is out of the coma, has had two surgeries, and had 7 plates and 30 screws inserted into his head and face. He also had to have cheek implants since his were shattered to oblivion, and he had a tracheotomy done in order to breathe because his face is so swollen. The imagery I get when I think of that makes me feel horrible. My poor Gabey. We are planning for Josh to go down there in a week. I don't believe I can go because it's just too painful for me to see him. I would cry the whole time and Gabe doesn't need that. I would like to go down there just to see Grandma and be a support for Josh when he comes home from visiting Gabe in the hospital at night, but I don't think we can afford to get two tickets. --Especially when we're going to need to pay First Last and Deposit at a new place in the next couple of weeks.

I am trying to coordinate the guys at the station in FW to put a video together for Gabe so Josh can take it down there with him. I just need to see about getting the video camera--either from Mom and Dad if theirs is able to transfer to DVD--or see if one of the guys has one. I'd also like K to be able to borrow it so she can tape the people at his old work sending him well wishes. I think it would be incredibly therapeutic for his emotional state--and also maybe help to convince him he should move back to FW to be with his girls and be safe with the people who love him.

Tomorrow, we're having Easter dinner at Josh's cousin's house. I have only met Matt briefly twice, but I think he's a really nice guy. Josh is not a fan of his know-it-all wife, but I think it's important we accepted the invitation since Josh will also get to see his Aunt and thus reconnect with some family that he has in the area.

I am so lazy today. We really need to go look at places to live, but Josh is working so we'll have to wait til later. For now, I've given myself permission to laze around. If I was more disciplined, I would go mail my cousin's baby gift (especially since she already had him a week ago--oops!), go work out at the gym, take Lulu out to play, and/or attack the laundry that is presently attacking the bedroom floor. But the couch is really comfy. And did I mention I feel lazy? I do.

rumbles in my tumbles

This week has been non-stop! Mom and Dad visiting has been so much fun and I'm really sad to have to take them to the airport in 9 short hours (most of which I'll be sleeping away, I hope!). Currently, my belly is uncomfortably bulging with an incredibly yummy dinner from Oceanaire. I can't believe it was $270 for the four of us, but it was truly delish so I can accept it. Unfortunately, though, I'd like to throw it all up with the discomfort I feel in my overstuffed tummy. Seriously. Eating well and overdoing it are two different things. I'll have to keep this in mind in the future. It's been a long time since I've eaten that much in one sitting and I don't ever want to eat again at this point. My workout plan MUST start tomorrow without fail. I'm extra motivated since I tried on clothes for the last two days, depressed with the state of my body under those harsh flourescent lights they have in dressing rooms. Whoever thought that was a good idea, btw? Low, romantic lighting is the only way clothing stores will ever be successful at stimulating the economy!

We have done so much this week and it was the best distraction from the state of affairs of my personal life. I really do love having family around me. Too bad it's only once in a great while. In the next few days, I may try to record our adventures. If mom and dad upload the pics from their visit, I'll have a photo essay to add as well.

Josh got a letter from his old company's lawyer today. They are threatening to sue him if he doesn't close his business or at least relocate it and operate at least 30 miles outside of the Metro area. He signed a non-compete when he started with them, but I fail to see how Josh's one-man operation is competition for a 20-man million $ empire. The stupid economy is to blame for this greed, but of course I am affected emotionally by this situation. I have always defended his old boss while Josh and his old coworkers criticized him and said he was greedy and unethical. I never expected he would have pulled this. It's wrong. Josh is struggling to make his company successful, and it has not made any kind of real profit yet. In all honesty, it will probably never be of the magnitude that this guy's company has reached after 27 years. If it is, it will take him nearly just as long, I'm sure. I suppose J should take it as a compliment that there is a fear he will actually threaten a million dollar business with his skill and business sense. All in all, though, it's a pain in the butt. According to the letter, Josh has 14 days to close his business. If he doesn't comply, they will take legal action. This means legal fees and having to put a hold on his business during the "fight". There's a good chance Josh could win since it's not likely the non-compete contract will hold up in court. But if Josh has to even put his business on hold, it's a bad situation for him financially. If Josh can't do this work, I don't know what he'll do. He's not really skilled to do anything else and the economy isn't such that he can just go get any random job. The non-compete says he can't work for anyone in the same industry either, meaning he can't even do the work for someone else...not that there are jobs available. In the morning, he'll be contacting free legal advice to see what the options are. We'll worry about things then, I suppose, but that isn't stopping me from thinking ahead. Worse case scenario is that he'll have to move in order to continue to do the same work/have the same business. It's not an impossible scenario but it sure isn't ideal. That means starting over essentially and the market in another area is an uncertain one. Not to mention that he'd have to figure out where he would want to live. If we stay together, that means I'd be moving too. Since I'm not exactly employed yet for next year, that would be feasible for me. BUT, again, it wasn't an expected plan. With the recent talk we had, my mind is not prepared to consider picking up and moving away with him, even if it's only an hour or two from here. We had considered a move to a cheaper area once before, but that idea had kind of been laid to rest. We decided we liked it here and I have a good chance of getting re-hired in this school district. Who knows what my chances would be elsewhere with the job market being what it is? Ugh.

Maybe my tummy is gurgling with more than a food baby. Stress makes for a pretty unhappy tum, too. I'm going to try to sleep and put my mind to rest. I have a feeling Friday is going to be a day for which I'll need to be well-rested.