Getaway Weekend

I am way behind in Internet stuffs--emails, blogging, etc. etc. I am going to remain behind, too, because I am leaving for the weekend. We're about to head out to the mountains. More specifically, to the Mt. Baker area to stay in a great house/cabin for Kat and Angela's birthdays. I wish we were going to LaPush (If you read Twilight Books, you'll have an idea what I'm talking about even if you don't live here!) as was originally planned, but I know we'll have a good time no matter what.

We were supposed to go to look at/test drive/possibly buy my new car today, but Josh made a huge error in last minute laundry this morning. He washed a whole pack of gum with a load. In addition to the laundry smelling minty fresh, it is thoroughly covered in gum. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRR! I was SO MAD when I started pulling clothes out and pieces of gum were making them stick together. I am only slightly less angry than I was. Namely because it all but completely ruined my bathing suit. I knew there was a reason I preferred to be responsible for our own laundry.....I should have stuck to that! There is nothing I can do about it now, so I just need to let it go.

I have baked a surprise cake for the girls and I got everything ready for Ilsa, our dogwalker who is staying at our house for the weekend with Lulu. Now I just need to pack the last of the clothes and we'll be on our way.

Have a great weekend!!

getting all philosophical

A bunch of stuff has happened since I last posted: a fun getaway weekend with girlfriends to Leavenworth, a harassing email that nearly sent me over the edge at work, more disrepectful treatment by coworkers, and the celebration of my 2 year anniversary with Josh.

But I don't want to post about those things right now. I'm more focused on the broader topic of my life in general. I am preoccupied with how I'm choosing to live my life and what I'm inviting for my future. In the last few years, I've made a giant leap from my uber social, economically unpredictable, self-medicated past filled with no moments just for me, to a more quiet and even anti-social, partnered life where I am working a consistent job (and presumably building a career). In recent months, I've become more social and more independent than I've been in the recent past. Still, I've maintained more of the quiet life to which I've transitioned and have been committed to my relationship with Josh both emotionally and financially. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm unhappy with it all. I don't want the life I had when I was miss popularity; I think I really do want the relationship and the house and the family.... But I also want to be happy in my career, and I want a partner who is happy in his. I want to feel attractive. I want my partner to feel the same. I want to feel financially stable. I want to feel like having a family is both truly desired and an intelligent decision. I don't have any of that. So how do I change it? And can I change it with Josh or must I change it alone?

This is what preoccupies my mind....