Yup. Still busy.
I went to a 3 day workshop last weekend that was amazing and beautiful and really valuable. I got so many great ideas to expose my kids to in the outdoors.
My students and I made worm bins yesterday and a local boy scout troop built the raised beds that we'll be planting in next month.
I'm kind of getting dizzy with posting and cross posting to Teach Dirty and Facebook and my expedition blog.
Speaking of which, I leave for my expedition in less than 2 weeks. I am starting to get excited. I have to send out press releases as soon as possible. I've really been slacking in that department. Today, I spent $360 at REI on some new gear. I'm kind of regretting spending that amount, but I also feel it's stuff I need for the trip and not just frivolous things.
Oh, and, I'm moving. Without Josh. We were looking for places this month and one day he says, "I think we should live apart" completely out of nowhere. I was taken aback of course, and then he said, "I think it's the only way I'm going to get my shit together." Now, we do agree he needs to get that together, but I don't understand why that means we have to part ways. Until he says, "I don't want things to change between us, though." Um, what?? So, long story short because it's late and I'm tired, he's living on a sailboat for the next 5 months and I'm not sure where I'll land. I couldn't find a place in the limited time I had before I told the landlord I'd be out, so I'm staying with my friend for 10 days before I leave for my trip, then staying with him again upon my return while I scour for and locate a home. Josh and I are putting our things into storage. Me because I need a place for it all while I'm at my friend's and gone; him because there is no room for anything but him and clothes on the boat. And in terms of "us", we're not breaking up, but I have to be honest and say that I don't understand this. It's moving backwards in a relationship. I feel that I am ready for and deserving of all or nothing....not this in-between dating stuff. We just surpassed 3 years together. We are in our mid-30's. It may just be the beginning of the end and I have been crying a LOT over it. I keep telling myself it will all work out in the end and this will all be for the best, but man is it hard. Right now my schedule is so full and consuming and I feel unprepared to deal with this. Just packing right now is breaking my spirit and heart.
I will get through this though and I'll be okay. I just need to focus on the present and stop freaking out about the future or lamenting the past. I can do it. I can.
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Headaches
...I'm getting them a lot lately. Stress, I think. My head feels tight, in the front, near my temples. I think that's stress. Anyway, it's been a long time since I've gotten so many headaches repeatedly. Ibuprofen and I have developed a mighty close relationship. I thought about going to get a massage this weekend. I really should have. My week is going to be insanely busy: Meetings every night this week!!
I put in notice to move. Finally. I know. At least I'm moving forward and it's no longer a debate in my mind. Everything I dreaded about the experience is here now--the search, the packing, the moving, the mourning. I will really miss this house. It's a great house in a great location. I just can't afford it. This of course means that everything I can afford is cheaper, smaller, and uglier. Downgrading sucks. I'm not really willing to give up having my own washer and dryer, a dishwasher, a fireplace....but I know I can't have it all. Mmm. I am remaining optimistic. In 2 weeks, anxiety may hit. Be forewarned.
I put in notice to move. Finally. I know. At least I'm moving forward and it's no longer a debate in my mind. Everything I dreaded about the experience is here now--the search, the packing, the moving, the mourning. I will really miss this house. It's a great house in a great location. I just can't afford it. This of course means that everything I can afford is cheaper, smaller, and uglier. Downgrading sucks. I'm not really willing to give up having my own washer and dryer, a dishwasher, a fireplace....but I know I can't have it all. Mmm. I am remaining optimistic. In 2 weeks, anxiety may hit. Be forewarned.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
venting novella
Well, we're moving. After living in our house for just over 2 years and going back and forth on the idea of finding a new place, the decision has been made (for us). I've been thinking this was a good idea for quite some time, but it has always felt easier to just accept that our landlord situation isn't ideal and ignore the irritations we've felt because moving is so stressful. But Josh finally lost it on her and now we've been asked to leave.
*heavy sigh*
When we first moved in, we knew our landlord was a little "different". She told us WAY too much personal information beginning with our first meeting: about her husband whom she married for the benefits who didn't live here but who would visit on occassion, about her boyfriends (current and past), about her son who had been in and out of jail, and about her dogs who all suffered from medical or emotional issues. Despite the fact that we knew she would be occupying the mother-in-law below our home, we moved in because we liked the house and the neighborhood and, honestly, because we just couldn't find anything else of which I could approve. She would continue to invade our personal space by sharing too many details about her personal life whenever we had the misfortune of running into her on the front steps or in the front yard, boyfriends would come and go, her "husband" would come and go at all hours of the day and night, they would fight and sometimes the police would even come, but still we tolerated it for a long time. Her dogs would be left alone in her place for days at a time and they would yap/bark incessantly. There were mornings I would wake up to that and scream in frustration. We should have moved. I know.
Then the dryer stopped working. Our landlord seemed irritated that we told her about this and she simply said, "Well, it always worked for me when I lived there." (She had her own washer/dryer in her unit.) It was temperamental so we accepted that we would just have to live it working on and off. Then she would have people come to our home to do remodeling. We would rarely receive notice about this, so I began to grow accustomed to people just showing up. Then the people she would hire would start knocking on our door (she had a separate entrance) asking for payment and telling us she wouldn't return their phone calls. Josh would get really pissed about this, understandably, but we never confronted her. We should have moved. I know.
Over a year ago, our dishwasher stopped working and we complained, but again she said, "Well it always worked for me." She also told us when we moved in that the dishwasher was the original (Which is obvious. It's very 1960's retro, which I do like.) The lady is clearly on another planet, so I didn't push the issue. We just started doing all the dishes by hand. This wears on you though, and the sink piles up really quickly when we're both busy which drives us both nuts. We should have moved out. I know.
Last year, we seriously started looking at new places and then Josh and I started having differences and considered living apart, so we started looking at places of our own. But then we decided to stay together and we abandoned the idea of moving because he was working on building his business and I was stressed out in my job. Suddenly, like a gift from baby Jesus, she started talking about moving out. We thought this was the answer to our prayers. Things would be so much better without her here! And we were right to some degree. At least now we don't have to deal with her dogs or her husband and their drama or her rotating boyfriends. But we didn't take into account that she was still our landlord and we would have to rely on her to fix things that broke. Josh even ended up fixing the dryer himself by removing the dryer duct and cleaning it out. It was so built up in there, it's lucky the house didn't burn down. Which reminds me, she did almost burn down our house once when she left a chicken cooking for too long while she was gone from the house. I came home to the smoke alarms going off in her part of the house and had to call the fire department. When they broke open the door to her place, smoke came gushing out in waves. Our house smelled like fire for days. We should have moved. I know.
A leaking bathtub, basement flooding damaging our luggage, ...the list is actually quite extensive....
Anyway, finally we'd had enough with the dishwasher issue and we told her it needed to be fixed NOW. Ever since she moved out, she's been living in a trailer on her ex-hsuband's property where her adult son also resides. Her son has been pretty responsive if he's around when we complain about something. Sure enough, she told us to expect a delivery on Saturday between noon and 4. So I stayed home on Saturday much to my chagrin. At around 2, the dishwasher guy shows up from Home Depot and says, "I can't install it. The current dishwasher is too far from the sink in its current configuration. You'll need a plumber and probably a contractor. Well, of course I knew the dishwasher was NOT going to ever be installed because she would never consent to spending that kind of money. When the delivery guy called her to relay all of this, she said, "Well just leave the new one there." I said, "Wait; hold up. Can I talk to her please?" I told her there was no point in leaving the dw here based on what he said and she told me, "Oh he doesn't know what he's talking about. I'll have my family members put it in." I called Josh then and relayed this to him. When he got home, he told me he had called her and told her exactly how he felt on her voicemail. "Oh my god, no", was the first thought from my brain. I told him that was NOT a good idea and then I got filled with anxiety. Josh does not have the filter that I have. He does not have a "calming mechanism". In the heat of the moment, Josh says whatever is on his mind. No holding back. I felt sick worrying about the ramifications.
Ramifications arrived at 5:06 pm today when she finally returned his phone call. I immediately heard yelling on her end and Josh promptly yelled at her in response. Name calling ensued. I kept pleading, "Calm Calm Calm", as though that would magically make them become rational adults. I finally had to walk away because I was ready to pull the phone out of his hands and end the call. Josh came to me after the phone call and said, "We have until the end of the year and then we have to move out." I started to tell him how I felt when his phone rang. It was her son. Within a minute, Josh and he were in a full on accusation match, both of them started cursing and Josh began calling him a loser for having been in and out of jail. The jail part is factual info, known to us because of the landlord's poor judgment in telling us way too much personal information all the time. Still, it had no place in a conversation about the dishwasher or any other conversation for that matter. Josh was just trying to put him down. I was in disbelief. I kept saying, "Just hang up" so finally he did. I was incredulous and speechless. Before I could say anything, the phone rang again. I said, "Give me the phone." He did. The son began and I interrupted and said, "Look, this has all gotten way out of control." He agreed and we continued to discuss the situation. He was very calm and well-spoken and I told him that I cannot justify Josh's behavior, but I wanted him (son) to know the basis of Josh's emotions. I talked about how things in the house hadn't been done like they should have, how she would violate our rights as her tenants by having people come over come into our home to do work without notice, and how people would harass us for money for work she wouldn't pay for. He talked a lot about how he had tried very hard to respond to our concerns as soon as he heard of them and I thanked him for that but also told him that he is not our landlord and it's not his responsibility. I told him that I am very uncomfortable with everything that's happened in the last 2 days and think that it's the best thing to dissolve our relationship. He said he thought that it would be best if we started looking for a new place right away, but that it was his mother's call and he would have her call me to tell us what she would like us to do. He knows she gave us to the end of the year but that has probably changed. For my sake, I know I need to leave as soon as possible and go somewhere I can live comfortably and peacefully without fear of backlash. After I got off the phone with the son, I took a few moments to hold my head in my hands and breathe. I then went back into the house and told Josh how disappointed I was in his behavior. I told him I know he has over 2 years of animosity built up, but this was not the way to handle it and especially because it affected me as well as him. He apologized and I could tell by his demeanor that he was sorry for what had happened. I know he can't actually guarantee his future behavior, but I asked him to promise me something like this would never happen again. He quickly and adamantly agreed. Of course, all that is mute right now. The current situation is something that still has my nerves all jittery and I'm beyond stressed about adding finding a new place to live, packing, and actually moving to my list of October duties. On top of all of this, I am so MAD at Josh for behaving like this, I am disappointed that we can't use this as a former residence referral, and I'm really worried about coming up with first month's rent, last month's rent and a deposit for a new place that will also accommodate Lulu. *scream* We should have moved. I know.
The house hunt begins now.
*heavy sigh*
When we first moved in, we knew our landlord was a little "different". She told us WAY too much personal information beginning with our first meeting: about her husband whom she married for the benefits who didn't live here but who would visit on occassion, about her boyfriends (current and past), about her son who had been in and out of jail, and about her dogs who all suffered from medical or emotional issues. Despite the fact that we knew she would be occupying the mother-in-law below our home, we moved in because we liked the house and the neighborhood and, honestly, because we just couldn't find anything else of which I could approve. She would continue to invade our personal space by sharing too many details about her personal life whenever we had the misfortune of running into her on the front steps or in the front yard, boyfriends would come and go, her "husband" would come and go at all hours of the day and night, they would fight and sometimes the police would even come, but still we tolerated it for a long time. Her dogs would be left alone in her place for days at a time and they would yap/bark incessantly. There were mornings I would wake up to that and scream in frustration. We should have moved. I know.
Then the dryer stopped working. Our landlord seemed irritated that we told her about this and she simply said, "Well, it always worked for me when I lived there." (She had her own washer/dryer in her unit.) It was temperamental so we accepted that we would just have to live it working on and off. Then she would have people come to our home to do remodeling. We would rarely receive notice about this, so I began to grow accustomed to people just showing up. Then the people she would hire would start knocking on our door (she had a separate entrance) asking for payment and telling us she wouldn't return their phone calls. Josh would get really pissed about this, understandably, but we never confronted her. We should have moved. I know.
Over a year ago, our dishwasher stopped working and we complained, but again she said, "Well it always worked for me." She also told us when we moved in that the dishwasher was the original (Which is obvious. It's very 1960's retro, which I do like.) The lady is clearly on another planet, so I didn't push the issue. We just started doing all the dishes by hand. This wears on you though, and the sink piles up really quickly when we're both busy which drives us both nuts. We should have moved out. I know.
Last year, we seriously started looking at new places and then Josh and I started having differences and considered living apart, so we started looking at places of our own. But then we decided to stay together and we abandoned the idea of moving because he was working on building his business and I was stressed out in my job. Suddenly, like a gift from baby Jesus, she started talking about moving out. We thought this was the answer to our prayers. Things would be so much better without her here! And we were right to some degree. At least now we don't have to deal with her dogs or her husband and their drama or her rotating boyfriends. But we didn't take into account that she was still our landlord and we would have to rely on her to fix things that broke. Josh even ended up fixing the dryer himself by removing the dryer duct and cleaning it out. It was so built up in there, it's lucky the house didn't burn down. Which reminds me, she did almost burn down our house once when she left a chicken cooking for too long while she was gone from the house. I came home to the smoke alarms going off in her part of the house and had to call the fire department. When they broke open the door to her place, smoke came gushing out in waves. Our house smelled like fire for days. We should have moved. I know.
A leaking bathtub, basement flooding damaging our luggage, ...the list is actually quite extensive....
Anyway, finally we'd had enough with the dishwasher issue and we told her it needed to be fixed NOW. Ever since she moved out, she's been living in a trailer on her ex-hsuband's property where her adult son also resides. Her son has been pretty responsive if he's around when we complain about something. Sure enough, she told us to expect a delivery on Saturday between noon and 4. So I stayed home on Saturday much to my chagrin. At around 2, the dishwasher guy shows up from Home Depot and says, "I can't install it. The current dishwasher is too far from the sink in its current configuration. You'll need a plumber and probably a contractor. Well, of course I knew the dishwasher was NOT going to ever be installed because she would never consent to spending that kind of money. When the delivery guy called her to relay all of this, she said, "Well just leave the new one there." I said, "Wait; hold up. Can I talk to her please?" I told her there was no point in leaving the dw here based on what he said and she told me, "Oh he doesn't know what he's talking about. I'll have my family members put it in." I called Josh then and relayed this to him. When he got home, he told me he had called her and told her exactly how he felt on her voicemail. "Oh my god, no", was the first thought from my brain. I told him that was NOT a good idea and then I got filled with anxiety. Josh does not have the filter that I have. He does not have a "calming mechanism". In the heat of the moment, Josh says whatever is on his mind. No holding back. I felt sick worrying about the ramifications.
Ramifications arrived at 5:06 pm today when she finally returned his phone call. I immediately heard yelling on her end and Josh promptly yelled at her in response. Name calling ensued. I kept pleading, "Calm Calm Calm", as though that would magically make them become rational adults. I finally had to walk away because I was ready to pull the phone out of his hands and end the call. Josh came to me after the phone call and said, "We have until the end of the year and then we have to move out." I started to tell him how I felt when his phone rang. It was her son. Within a minute, Josh and he were in a full on accusation match, both of them started cursing and Josh began calling him a loser for having been in and out of jail. The jail part is factual info, known to us because of the landlord's poor judgment in telling us way too much personal information all the time. Still, it had no place in a conversation about the dishwasher or any other conversation for that matter. Josh was just trying to put him down. I was in disbelief. I kept saying, "Just hang up" so finally he did. I was incredulous and speechless. Before I could say anything, the phone rang again. I said, "Give me the phone." He did. The son began and I interrupted and said, "Look, this has all gotten way out of control." He agreed and we continued to discuss the situation. He was very calm and well-spoken and I told him that I cannot justify Josh's behavior, but I wanted him (son) to know the basis of Josh's emotions. I talked about how things in the house hadn't been done like they should have, how she would violate our rights as her tenants by having people come over come into our home to do work without notice, and how people would harass us for money for work she wouldn't pay for. He talked a lot about how he had tried very hard to respond to our concerns as soon as he heard of them and I thanked him for that but also told him that he is not our landlord and it's not his responsibility. I told him that I am very uncomfortable with everything that's happened in the last 2 days and think that it's the best thing to dissolve our relationship. He said he thought that it would be best if we started looking for a new place right away, but that it was his mother's call and he would have her call me to tell us what she would like us to do. He knows she gave us to the end of the year but that has probably changed. For my sake, I know I need to leave as soon as possible and go somewhere I can live comfortably and peacefully without fear of backlash. After I got off the phone with the son, I took a few moments to hold my head in my hands and breathe. I then went back into the house and told Josh how disappointed I was in his behavior. I told him I know he has over 2 years of animosity built up, but this was not the way to handle it and especially because it affected me as well as him. He apologized and I could tell by his demeanor that he was sorry for what had happened. I know he can't actually guarantee his future behavior, but I asked him to promise me something like this would never happen again. He quickly and adamantly agreed. Of course, all that is mute right now. The current situation is something that still has my nerves all jittery and I'm beyond stressed about adding finding a new place to live, packing, and actually moving to my list of October duties. On top of all of this, I am so MAD at Josh for behaving like this, I am disappointed that we can't use this as a former residence referral, and I'm really worried about coming up with first month's rent, last month's rent and a deposit for a new place that will also accommodate Lulu. *scream* We should have moved. I know.
The house hunt begins now.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The art of doing Nothing
I know I can't afford it and I really don't have the right mindset, but I do ache just the teensiest for a baby. I also ache for a home and a new car and financial security. Those, unfortunately, are the more sensible things to work towards.
I saw on the news last night that one of the only places in the country not suffering from the recession is Battle Mountain, NV. That's because their economy is due to gold mining and when the national economy is poor, gold is worth more. I mentioned to Josh that maybe we should move there for a year and save money. I didn't mention how barren the place is-how it's miles from any sort of entertainment or true civilization. I didn't mention how much I was sure I would truly be miserable there, even though we would be doing it "for a good cause". I didn't need to. His immediate response was, "Why? We would hate that!" I know. I just really, really want to save money so we can buy things we need for our future. When I looked up other places with lower costs of living online, I found that Tennessee and Oklahoma are the 2 lowest cost of living states. I really liked Tulsa when I helped Jason move there some years back, but the landscape of Tennessee is far more appealing to me. Still, when I relayed this info to Josh he was able to put me back into reality. "You don't want to be land-locked, Angela." It's true. I love being on the coast. The only problem is that a higher cost of living seems to go hand in hand with coastal living. Too bad. I don't think we'd really save money anyway, considering we don't do anything that is in crucial demand for work like nursing or law enforcement. We'd probably make less doing our jobs wherever it cost less to live. It's all relative, I'm sure. Bummer.
I think we'll be able to give blood today. Josh came home for a quick lunch before finishing up his day and anticipates completing work by 2. I really need to shower and take Lulu out for some exercise. She keeps looking at me with anticipation, then sighing heavily when I don't react. Poor boo. I also need to make that hair appointment. I keep putting it off. The longer I put it off the harder it is to call! I know I'm being silly. I just need to do it. It's not surgery. It's just a haircut.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)