I got my blood draw to check my HCG levels today. Then Josh and I waited in the exam room 2 agonizing hours before anyone told us anything. We were finally told that it showed the fetus was growing still, but in the wrong place so I would need to do the chemo to abort it.
Dammit.
I started to cry because I didn't want to kill it. I really hoped it would just die on its own. I know it's just a bunch of cells that wouldn't go to term anyway and possibly kill me on the way by rupturing the organ or tube it is in, but....dammit.
While we waited another HOUR for the chemo to arrive, I told Josh I felt like I wanted to bash my head into a wall. I can't explain really why I felt that way, but I just felt so angry and I felt disappointment. With myself, I think. I'm not sure why.
When we got home, I took a long nap. I'm feeling effects from the chemo already. It was injected into the back of my hips and that's sore, plus the area directly to the front of that area is in pain, inside. I am not nauseous yet, and I hope it never comes. On Thursday, I go back to get my levels checked again. If this round "doesn't take", I'll have to get chemo again.
I wish to feel normal again soon.
1 comment:
Can you email me your mailing address? shannon.mcclure@fwcs.k12.in.us Thanks and I hope you ar doing well!
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