Results, Step 1

I saw the specialist yesterday. What was scheduled to be a 50 minute appointment turned into a 6 hour series of events I don't think I'll ever forget. For the sake of documenting it for myself, I'm going to type it all out below. But the nuts and bolts of the story are that I'm pregnant. The fetus is likely not in my uterus, though, but rather in my fallopian tube. I also may be miscarrying it. That would explain the pain and the bleeding. I have to wait til Friday to be sure, though. I'll get tested again at that point. I am such a mixed bag of emotions right now. I went from shock to happiness to sadness to anger within minutes, it seems. I'm happy that I can get pregnant because I really didn't think I could. Naturally, I'm devastated that I am carrying a baby in the wrong place and am either miscarrying or will have to abort it. I am scared that the only 2 options for aborting it are with chemotherapy or surgery. I am angry that this is "happening to me." On Friday, I will know more. Until then, things are pretty glum in our house. Josh is really sad about it, but he is being incredibly nurturing and supportive.

Here's the play by play...

At the appointment, which I was late for because I unwittingly wrote the time down wrong, she could only talk to me for 10 minutes before her next patient. I gave her the gist of what's been going on and she said that I was likely bleeding so long due to being ammenhoreac, which just means that I don't get my period very often. She said she would prescribe me some Provera to stop the bleeding and then schedule me for an ultrasound for 2 weeks from now to see what the deal with the pain was.

She then asked me to pee in a cup for a standard pregnancy test that they do at that office. I thought it was dumb to do since I had obviously been having my period for a month. But then, just before she was supposed to give me the scrip and I was to leave, she came in and said, "Never mind what I said before. We have a different scenario on hand. You're pregnant." I about fell off the table when she said that! I got very teary and said, "This can't be good. I've been bleeding for a month!" She did a quick pelvic exam and said it looks good because I'm not exhibiting signs of internal bleeding. I didn't know what she meant by that til later.

Then I had to go to the hospital for an emergency blood draw and ultrasound. The Radiologist couldn't see a fetus in my uterus, which basically meant my pregnancy was probably ectopic, which means it's in my fallopian tube and thus needed to be aborted. She (Radiologist) wanted me to go right to the ER for surgery, but she called my gynecologist first who just asked that I come back to her office instead.

So I did, and she told me then that there are 1 of 3 scenarios going on: 1. I have an ectopic pregnancy that needs to be removed by surgery or chemotherapy, 2. I have an ectopic pregnancy that is miscarrying (explaining the blood) or 3. I have a healthy pregnancy that is too early to be identified on an ultrasound and is possibly going to be okay but is just having a rough start (ie the pain and bleeding). The third scenario is the least likely.

By this time, I had called Josh and he joined us and got up to speed. We agonizingly waited for the blood results to help us determine the case. If my hormone levels were high, it would indicate a developed pregnancy in the wrong place (the tube), and we would need to operate or do the chemo before it could burst my tube and I developed internal bleeding (which is what she was checking for in my pelvic exam). If my hormone levels were low, it indicated an underdeveloped pregnancy that could be in my tube or my uterus, requiring us to wait 2 days and test the levels again to be more certain.

When my levels came back, they were low, so I would have to wait 2 days to get them checked again. On Friday, if those levels have doubled, I am likely having a normal pregnancy. If those levels have dropped, I am likely having a miscarriage. If those levels are only slightly elevated, I likely have an ectopic pregnancy in my fallopian tube that will need to be aborted.

I feel strongly that I have an ectopic pregnancy. Friday will help me determine whether or not I have to go through chemo. I don't want to do surgery because there is always a risk involved. Chemo will be hard--I will be in a lot of pain for at least 72 hours after getting the shot of chemo, with likely nausea. There is also still a chance my tube could burst despite or during that time. So I will have to be closely monitored.

What I did get was a shot of Rogan because I am O negative, so if the fetus in me is a positive bloodtype, I could reject it or any future positive bloodtype fetus. That shot was pretty painless.

I have shed a lot of tears. Josh wants me to be pregnant in a healthy way, but I don't feel in my heart that is the case. Regardless, I am looking at a lot more time of "not feeling normal".