Validation

Despite the fact that I got out of the house yesterday to go see the Cowboy Junkies show with Angela at the Zoo, I hit an all-time low of depression over the miscarriage last night. I was feeling really desperate for answers, so I turned to the amazing Internet. In my search, I found a forum for those suffering from PCOS. Within it was a thread devoted to ectopic pregnancies. It was a godsend. I posted my story last night and awoke today to at least 10 people who had replied with their own, similar, experiences. Most importantly, they shared the feelings and thoughts that I carry in my heart and brain. I felt such a sense of relief.

As such, today has been pretty a-ok. I had to go through the routine again today: Go to hospital, wait, get blood drawn, go to doctor's office, wait, wait, wait, get results, talk to doctor, wait, talk to doctor, then leave. I discovered things are progressing well with the miscarriage, but I will need to do the same routine once per week for the next 5 weeks or so. FUN! They need to monitor me til my pregnancy levels are at 0 and then for at least 1 week afterwards, to ensure all parts of the fetus were miscarried. In rare cases, she said some cells from the fetus might be resistant to the chemo and start to grow again, putting me at risk for the same things as before. And just when I thought I was in the clear... Well, I am perhaps the eternal optimist, but I think it will be okay.

I am going camping tomorrow with Sharonne and 8 others. Josh will be at the station for the weekend and he is a bit nervous about my adventurous spirit while I'm in this state. I know I will listen to my body, though, and only do what I can without being irresponsible. I want to have fun, but I've been through too much to risk feeling this way again! The best part is that Lulu will be coming, too. I hope she minds her manners. When there's a lot going on, she gets a little amped up. She becomes something of a 6 year old on a pixie stick high. Poor baby. She's just overly enthusiastic. There could be worse traits for someone to have.